5 tl 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS, 

<$"tfWS£t 

Slptp. ©flptjrirjfjt ^a. 



UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 



v 




I 

I 



I 



! 



SIMPLEX MUNDITIIS 



SIMPLEX MUNDITIIS 



GENTLEMEN 



/ v \° CO P Y R ' 3 H / . ' ^ v? . \ 

( MAR 7 1.8.9 1 / V7 



NEW-YORK 
THE DEVINNE PRESS 
MDCCCXCI 



Copyright, 1891, by the 
Simplex Munditiis Publishing Co. 



TO 

ALL WHO ADMIRE 
PERFECT DRESS AND CORRECT SOCIAL HABITS 



Ubte Booft is DeMcatet) 

IN THE HOPE THAT 
THE PRINCIPLES IT TEACHES MAY PROMOTE 
STRICT OBSERVANCE OF THE 
USAGES OF SOCIETY. 



PART I 
DRESS FOR GENTLEMEN 



CONTENTS 



PAGE 

Introduction . . . .11 
Morning Wear . . . 15 
Afternoon Dress . . . .21 
Evening Dress . . . . 27 
The Overcoat . . . -33 
Attire for Riding, Driving, Travel- 
ing, Yachting, and Lounging . 38 
House Wear . . . . 48 
Sleeping Attire ... -5° 
Linen . . . . . 51 
Underclothing . . . -55 
The Art of Dressing the Collar . 57 
Walking Stick and Umbrella . . 63 
Miscellanies . . . . 65 

Dress for Weddings — Funerals — Christenings 
— at Home or Church — New Year's Calls — 
Mourning — Church Wear — Suspenders — 
Uppers — Attire Made to Order — Blondes 
and Brunettes — Jewelry — Dressing Case 
— Articles for Same — Rubbers — English 
Rain Attire — Cloth Bands on Top-Hats — 
Wigs — Opera Glass — Decorations — Fans 
— Trousers Crease — Pockets — Monocle — 
Dress Shields — English Hunt Attire — 
Hunt Ball — Closing Remarks. 

9 




« 

I 



INTRODUCTION 



"Dress is the embodiment of taste and 
refinement. A man looks, and is, dis- 
tinguished, when he shows simple elegance 
in his dress. It is not necessary to have 
wealth in order to dress well. With 
judgment and economy, one can he some- 
thing of a dresser. This hook is hut a 
guide for men who desire to dress, and 
are perplexed by the multitude of things 
there are to wear, and the ever-changing 
styles. 

When a thing becomes vulgarly popular, 
then, if you wish to be in dress, as well as 
manners, a gentleman, cast it aside, and 
seek something newer and less common. 

Dressing may be carried to any extent, 
but it is not good taste to do so. 

1 1 



A gentleman is, conspicuous for one 
thing only — his good taste. Above all 
dress are manners and grace. Without 
these, one can never he a gentleman. 

In the other part of this work, manners 
and customs may he studied. 

A gentleman is a man of taste, culture, 
and refinement. 

No man is a gentleman who merely 
does the afts of a gentleman. He must 
show good breeding — in dress, manners, 
and conversation. 

His dress is the perfection of raiment. 
His manner is grace and ease personified. 
His conversation, knowledge itself. 

Proud, indeed, may the man be who can 
write after his name — gentleman. 

Let "Simplex Munditiis" be your 
motto for dress. 

Each person must remember one thing: 
that, to be distingue in dress, he must 
dress, as regards material, richly ; and, as 

12 



to pattern of cloth, plainly. In other words, 
simple elegance shows the gentleman. 

Everything you wear must be immac- 
ulate. 

There are three dress divisions of the 
day : 

Morning wear. 
Afternoon dress. 
Evening dress. 

The first may be worn any time of 
the day before 6 p. m., though it belongs 
to the morning. 

The second is not worn before 2 p. m. 

The third is not worn before 6 p, m. 

The attire for all athletic games, Sports, 
amusements, for the clergy, and gentlemen 
in the army and navy, it is not within 
the province of this work to treat of. In 
fact, we treat of only that which is worn 
by a gentleman at home or abroad, in 
summer or winter, when mingling in so- 
ciety. 

2 13 



"I 



MORNING WEAR 



WORN ANY TIME OF DAY 

INDOORS or outdoors, morning wear 
consists of the following, as the tastes 
of the wearer may dictate. 

The Head. — The black felt derby is the 
proper hat for morning. The light brown 
in derbys is a pleasing change for spring, 
summer, or fall wear. But never be 
without a black derby, as it is the hat 
worn when not in formal dress. 

A derby is never worn with a frock 
body-coat, a cutaway body-coat, a Cowes 
15 



body-coat, or a dress body-coat. It be- 
longs entirely to the walking or sack 
body-coat. 

Have your hats made to order. You 
will be better pleased in the end. 

The derby is proper and becoming to 
men of all ages. I would caution any one 
against wearing such derbys as are of a 
pearl, gray, drab, slate, and cigar browns. 
These are all in bad taste. The slouch 
felt hat is ignored by gentlemen. If a man 
desires light shades of derbys, then let 
him have them the same shade as the 
suit he wears them with. 

The Hand. — Gloves for morning wear 
should be a dark tan, and made of kid. 

Heavy weight for the winter months, 
and very light for summer. 

Raw seams and arrow-back stitching is 
the style. Generally one button only on 
wrist 

16 



The leading furnishing shops are rec- 
ommended for gloves. 

If possible, have your gloves made to 
order ; you are then sure of a perfect fit. 

Never wear a glove after it becomes 
soiled. It is just as bad as having dirty 
hands. 

The Foot. — Calf-skin, patent leather, 
and enamel leather, are used for walking 
shoes. They should be made with mod- 
erately thick soles, taper at the toes, and 
lace. 

It is best to have shoes made to order. 
Nothing about a man's dress is so quickly 
noticed as ill-fitting shoes. 

The Body. — The body-coat : This is a 
black sack body-coat, either double or sin- 
gle breasted. Both styles are correct. The 
materials used are thibets, cheviots, and 
black serges. At present they are made 



with four buttons, very wide collars, 
and very long in the body. 

The waistcoat : This always matches 
the body-coat in material and pattern. 
Likewise, it may be double or single 
breasted. It is not necessary, in this 
respect, for it to match the body- 
coat. 

Trousers : These may be of any material 
and pattern . They may match the material 
of the body-coat, or not, as the taste of the 
wearer may dictate. It is better taste to 
wear dark trousers with morning wear. 
See that your trousers have the proper 
cut, and fit perfectly. This is at once the 
most difficult to fit, and the ugliest part — 
if ill-fitting — of the attire for men. There- 
fore, give it the most attention. In order 
to have them cut correctly you must rely 
on the fashion-plate and its accompanying 
directions. Insist on your directions being 
followed by the tailor. 

18 

I 



There is also the cutaway suit for morn- 
ing wear. This is worn mostly by eld- 
erly and heavily built men. It consists 
of a cutaway body-coat four buttons, 
waistcoat single-breasted, and trousers. 
These three pieces are always of the same 
material and pattern. The same things 
are worn with this as with the sack 
body-coat. 

Heavy cloths for winter and light 
weights for summer wear. 

The sack body-coat becomes all men, tall 
or short, thin or stout, old or young. 

Fancy serge waistcoats, also fine linen 
waistcoats, and sashes in summer, may 
be worn with the sack body-coat. 

Never wear trousers and waistcoat of 
one pattern, and body-coat another ; it is 
exceeding bad taste. 

Suits, perfectly correct and very elegant, 
are made of selected materials. 

»9 



The sack body-coat, waistcoat, and 
trousers are always, in this case, from 
the same piece of goods. Some beautiful 
materials of light shades are made for 
summer wear. For winter wear darker 
and slightly heavier materials are used. 

*A Morning Promenade Dress, — This 
consists of frock body-coat, waistcoat, 
and trousers. These three pieces are 
always cut from the same material and 
pattern. The body-coat and waistcoat 
may be single or double-breasted. 

Only light shades or patterns of cloths 
are used. Never have this promenade 
dress in black. The correct head cover- 
ing is the black silk top-hat with this 
promenade dress. 



AFTERNOON DRESS 

WORN AFTER TWO P. M. 

THE HEAD.— A black silk top-hat. 
Always of the latest pattern, either 
Paris, London, or New- York make. All 
are equally stylish. This hat, above all 
others, should be made to order ; this 
being necessary if you desire a fit both 
becoming and comfortable. 

In this city spring and summer have 
light weights. For fall and winter a 
slightly heavier hat is made. This is the 
only proper hat for afternoon dress in 
summer or winter. 

2 I 



The Hand. — Light or dark tan kid 
walking gloves are worn. The back 
stitching may be black silk or same shade 
as the glove. One or two buttons. 

Undressed kid gloves, either light or 
dark shades, are also worn especially for 
afternoon receptions. 

The Foot. — The leathers used are 
patent, and enamel. Laced Bluchers are 
worn at this time of day. For summer 
wear, the same, or the same leathers 
made in ties. Again, I caution you to 
pay particular attention to the fit, and 
have them made to order. You exercise 
your own taste as to the style the shoe is 
made in. 

The Body. — The proper body-coat is 
the black cutaway. This is now made 
with three buttons, and wide collar cut 
low, single-breasted. The material used 



is diagonal. This body-coat should 
be of light weight, as it is a dress 
body-coat. French Thibets are also 
used. 

The Waistcoat. — This is made of the 
same material as the body-coat. It may 
be double or single breasted. The 
waistcoat should be cut low in front, 
that the large puff scarf may be well 
exposed. Four buttons. 

Waistcoats may be of selected materials 
such as fancy serges and fine linens. In 
summer white or black silk sashes are 
worn. 

The Trousers. — These should be care- 
fully selected and well-fitted. The ma- 
terial and pattern should go well with 
black, as this is always the color of the 
afternoon body-coat. 

Any pattern, checks, stripes, etc., may 
23 



be worn for afternoon dress. Never wear 
loud patterns ; they are exceedingly bad 
taste and rowdyish. 

Never wear trousers of the same ma- 
terial as the body-coat or waistcoat, as it 
is not afternoon dress. 

Very light patterns may be worn in 
summer. In winter slightly darker pat- 
terns are worn. 

If pockets are placed in trousers they 
are apt to be used ; this spoils the set of 
the cloth around the hips. Therefore 
leave them out if possible. 

As a rule, the bottoms of trousers 
should be turned up — about two inches — 
while walking in the street. Of course, 
on a clear day this is unnecessary. 

Frock Body-coat. — This is the formal 
afternoon dress body-coat. In Paris the 
men wear no other. 

It is never worn before 4.30 p. m. 
24 



It is worn at day weddings, at teas, 
receptions, and on the promenade. 

The material used is the same as in a 
cutaway body-coat. Always black goods. 

The same things are worn with a frock 
body-coat as with a cutaway body-coat. 

It is made single or double breasted. 

The wardrobe of a gentleman is never 
complete without one or more frock body- 
coats. 

The frock body-coat is always worn 
buttoned. It is worn in summer, but al- 
ways with a waistcoat. 

The cutaway body-coat is worn but- 
toned in winter, and may sometimes 
be worn with rolled back collar in 
summer. 

There is also a double-breasted cutaway 
body-coat, three buttons, always black. 
This is worn more for promenading than 
anything else. 

3 25 



This can be worn in winter — on mild 
days — without a top-coat or greatcoat. 
The waistcoat matches it and the trousers 
are selected. 

Sometimes, for promenading in the 
spring, a frock body-coat with waistcoat 
and trousers of the same piece of goods 
is worn. In this case the material is some 
smooth, light-colored pattern. 

Again, only a black silk top-hat can 
be worn with this frock suit. 

This suit is worn without a greatcoat 
or light overcoat. 

Afternoon dress is worn at day wed- 
dings, afternoon receptions, teas, matinees, 
exhibitions of all kinds where ladies are 
present, and when promenading with 
ladies. 




EVENING DRESS 



WORN AFTER SIX P. M. 



HIS is the culmination of grandeur in 



novel " Henry Pelham" is responsible for 
the almost complete blackness of the attire 
for this otherwise gayest time of day. 

The Head. — The black silk top-hat is 
supreme and only here, as in afternoon 
dress. Same style as that worn for after- 
noon dress. The crush opera-hat is en- 
tirely out of style in this city. When 
indoors, the top-hat should be carried in 




Bulwer's 



27 



the left hand. The exceptions to this rule 
are dances, evening receptions, and dinners . 

The Hand. — The white kid glove goes 
with evening dress, and must always 
be worn with it, except at or during a 
dinner. 

The back stitching may be self or black. 

Pearl or gray shades are sometimes 
worn . No other covering should be worn 
on the hand after 6 p. m. 

If one travels through the streets and 
on the cars, the best glove to wear — and 
perfectly proper — is the black kid glove, 
with black stitching, worn only while en 
route. 

Never wear tan-colored or any light 
shades of gloves with evening dress, in- 
doors or out-of-doors. It is bad taste, 
and looks, as it is, shoddy. You may 
wear white evening gloves at any time 
or place after 6 p. m., and you are 
28 



not complete in your dress unless you 
so do. 

The Foot. — Dancing pumps are little 
worn in this city, in fact they are passe. 
The climate is such, a man could never 
be out of his carriage, if he wore pumps, 
without risk of a catarrh. 

The proper shoe is made of patent 
leather, button, kid uppers, and no tips. 
This is the shoe for evening dress. 

Have them made to order, as that is 
the only way to secure a perfect fit. 

The Body. — The evening dress body- 
coat is always of a black material. 

A radical change has taken place in the 
material used. Dress for evening wear, 
especially among young men, no longer 
consists of the heavy, stiff broadcloths 
and doeskins, but is now made of fine 
diagonals, of an almost silky texture. 
3* 29 



This is the body-coat above all others. 
Much care should be given the fitting and 
style. They are made now with shawl 
collar, and silk lined. Never wear any 
kind of binding on the body-coat. Do 
not wear buttons and buttonholes on the 
sleeve of body-coat. The styles, changing 
each year, should be followed minutely. 

In evening dress one must appear a 
gentleman, if it is in him at all. 

The Waistcoat. — Materials used, same 
as body-coat, or white silks and black 
silks. Patterns selected as taste directs. Of 
course the waistcoat is confined strictly to 
black or white. 

It may be three or four buttons ; double 
or single breasted. It may be low or 
high. Never wear linen waistcoats for 
evening dress. 

The Trousers. — Black, and always the 
same material as the body-coat. As 

3° 



much care is given to the set and fit, as to 
that of the body-coat. Leave out pockets. 
Wide, black, silk-braided braid is worn 
on the outside of trouser-legs. Width of 
legs, medium. 

The Cowes or Tuxedo Body-coat. — This 
is for informal evening and home wear. 
It is made of the same material as the 
dress body-coat. Shawl collar. The 
same things are worn with it as with the 
dress body-coat. It is worn at home, to in- 
formal dinners, the club, and the theater. 

For Sunday evenings this is worn in 
place of the dress body-coat, with dress 
waistcoat, dress trousers, and black satin 
cravat. Again, only the top-hat is worn 
with the Tuxedo body-coat. 

Knee-Breeches. — These may be worn 
in place of dress trousers at any grand 
ball, reception, or soiree. They are black 
31 



silk or black satin, or same material as 
dress body-coat. 

In Paris and London they are much 
worn. Patent leather pumps and black 
silk stockings are worn. This is the only 
change in evening dress, when knee- 
breeches are worn. 

Of course, in this attire you must 
always drive in a closed carriage. 

Flowered or figured colored waistcoats, 
double or single breasted, may be worn ; 
white or black preferred. The dress body- 
coats may also be in colors as well as 
black. An elegant attire, such as this, is 
to be worn for grand formal evening 
dress. 



THE OVERCOAT 



GREATCOAT.— This is a heavy great- 
coat, with or without a cape, as 
fashion or taste may decide. Double or 
single breasted, long or short. It is worn 
during the day only, either over morning 
wear or afternoon dress. 

It is most fashionable and elegant when 
made of some black or dark blue material. 

The very latest in this greatcoat is made 
thus : very long — five inches below 
knee — no fit, without seam in middle 
of back — broad shawl collar of black vel- 
vet, single-breasted, dark blue box-cloth. 
33 



It is shoulder-lined with black silk. For 
afternoon dress wear only. 

One may follow his own taste in select- 
ing a material for this day greatcoat. 

This is made to wear during the coldest 
weather. It should be removed imme- 
diately on going indoors. 

Light Overcoat. — For fall and spring 
wear. This is box cut, made of a light 
weight material. 

The overcoat for cool days and evening 
wear, as over evening dress in summer, 
is of some selected black material. The 
day overcoat or afternoon walking-coat is 
of some light pattern, selected according 
to taste of wearer. These overcoats are 
now cut very short. 

These overcoats are worn over morn- 
ing wear or afternoon dress, particularly 
the light shades over the latter. 
34 



Driving Overcoat. — This is a box-coat 
cut long or short. Double or single- 
breasted. The color should be light, as it 
will not show dust. 

Heavy material is used for winter and 
light for summer driving. 

The Riding Top-coat. — This is a short 
English box-coat. The material is soft and 
of medium weight. The color may be 
light or dark. 

The Raglan. — " Lord Chumly," Inver- 
ness, or sleeveless, greatcoat for evening 
wear. 

This is the only greatcoat to wear over 
evening dress. 

It is always black, and with a large, full- 
length cape. 

There are no sleeves, the cape covering 
the arms completely. 

35 



This is the perfect greatcoat to wear 
over evening dress, as removing and 
placing on can be accomplished without 
disturbing in any way the dress. 

This greatcoat makes up for the ugli- 
ness of the day overcoats in the graceful 
appearance it gives the wearer. 

It is worn at night only, in the carriage, 
or on the street. It is removed on going 
indoors. 

Ulsters, fur greatcoats, and greatcoats 
with fur collars and cuffs, may be worn 
for very cold weather. They are for day 
wear only. 

The Mackintosh. — This is made in 
any pattern ; the inner lining being rub- 
ber. With or without cape. Double 
or single breasted. Light weights for 
summer and heavy for winter wear. 

It is worn by day only. It may be 
worn with morning wear or afternoon 
36 



dress. In the latter a top-hat should never 
be worn with a mackintosh. Only a 
derby is worn. 

In all cloudy, damp, or wet weather 
the mackintosh appears. 

It is not necessary to carry an umbrella. 

The mackintosh should be worn very 
long, and rather loose in fit. 

You may follow the fashion-plate as 
regards the style your greatcoat or over- 
coat is to be made in. 

You will discuss with your cutter the 
correct thing in seams, linings, buttons, 
and pockets. These things are constantly 
changing, and therefore have no fixed 
rule. 

Covered buttons are worn only on light 
walking overcoats and evening greatcoats. 

op 



4 



37 



ATTIRE FOR RIDING, DRIV- 
ING, TRAVELING, YACHT- 
ING, AND LOUNGING 

RIDING 

The Head. — Black derby for winter. 
Brown derby for summer. 

A cord is attached to the hat, which 
may be loosened and made fast to a body- 
coat button. 

Same style of derby as that used for 
morning wear. The silk hat may be 
worn for formal riding when without the 
top-coat. 

38 



The Hand. — Dark tan gloves or gaunt- 
lets, same as morning wear. 

The Foot. — Riding boots or shoes are 
worn, according to taste of wearer. 

The leathers used are patent or enamel. 

Spurs of nickel or silver plate are worn. 

The crop is always carried. This is 
silver mounted, and any selected wood. 

The Body. — A four-button, single- 
breasted cutaway of any selected material 
and pattern — not black — is the proper 
body-coat. Very short skirts. Waistcoat 
same, or selected material. High cut; 
single-breasted. 

Trousers. — They may be long, with 
straps. 

They may be short — just below knee 
— buttoned at side and baggy above 
knee. Riding boots or leggings are worn 
39 



with the knee-breeches, while with the 
trousers laced shoes are worn. The leg- 
gings are made to button, strap, or hook. 
The most stylish leggings are of the same 
material as the breeches. 

Trousers or breeches should be of some 
light pattern ; material should be strong. 
They are lined on the seat and inner side 
of legs with chamois skin. 

For evening rides, as in academies, 
the black silk top-hat, white suede gloves, 
single-breasted, black, cutaway body-coat, 
and strap trousers of the same material. 
Spurs and crop may be worn. 

For elderly men the black body-coat 
and strap trousers may be worn during 
the day. 

DRIVING 

Morning wear is worn for morning 
drives. 

40 



Afternoon drives, if formal, afternoon 
dress is worn. 

The same rule holds good when you 
handle the ribbons, as when the coach- 
man occupies the box. 

The driving overcoat is only worn in 
the box seat. 

TRAVELING 

Morning wear is the proper dress for 
all travel, be it on ocean or land. 

Sack suits, double or single breasted, 
are exceedingly stylish and comfortable. 
Dark colored material is doubtless the best, 
as it does not show the dust and wear of 
travel. Heavy cloths for winter and light 
weights for summer travel. 

YACHTING 

This is worn on board ship any time 
of year. For visiting on shore, a day or 
4* 41 



so, it may be worn, if your temporary 
home is the yacht. Heavy material for 
winter, and light weights for summer. 

Head. — The proper head apparel is the 
yachting cap. This may be made in white 
or blue flannel, serge, or white canvas. 

The yachting cap is for morning, after- 
noon, or evening wear, in port or at sea. 

The Hand. — For all formal affairs on 
board ship, white suede gloves are worn. 
In winter or summer, tan kid gloves may 
be worn with yachting attire. 

Foot. — Either a blue or white canvas 
laced shoe or tie, with rubber soles, for day 
wear. 

For summer evening wear, white suede 
or canvas ties. For the same in winter, 
evening dress-shoes. 

Body. — For day wear, the double- 
breasted, sack body-coat. This may be 
42 



blue or white flannel, or serges in blue 
or white. Brass buttons are generally 
used. 

Waistcoat — This may match the body- 
coat in material and color, and cut, or not, 
as the wearer desires. 

Trousers. — These always match the 
body-coat in material and color. 

White canvas suits may be worn, but 
they are coarse and clumsy. 

White trousers may also be worn with 
a blue body-coat. 

For formal occasions, evening wear on a 
yacht consists of evening dress, as on land. 

The silk neglige shirt is worn for day 
wear, if preferred to linen. 

The ties for day wear are four-in-hands 
and cravats, self-tying. 

These are in silk, either white, black, 
or blue, flowered, figured, or solid colors. 
43 



De Joinvilles, also, tied in bow knots, 
are worn. 

LOUNGING 

This dress belongs strictly to the sum- 
mer months ; it is never worn in the city. 

The Head. — For day wear there is the 
white split straw, with white or black 
silk bands. 

Also, the yachting cap, in white or 
black. This is made of flannel, or a 
material matching the lounging suit. 

These hats are worn for tennis, walk- 
ing, driving, riding, day receptions, lawn 
parties, etc. However, these hats are 
never to be worn in the city. 

The Hand. — White suede gloves are 
worn with lounging suits, 'when walking 
or driving. 

44 



The Foot. — White canvas, white suede, 
tan or white buckskin, and patent leather 
ties, are worn with lounging suits. 

For tennis, and games on the lawn, 
canvas, or suede, or buckskin shoes, or 
ties, with either felt or rubber soles, are 
used. 

Have these shoes fit, and look as neat 
as possible. 

The "Body. — First the material — this 
may be serge or flannel — though the lat- 
ter is out, for the reason that it is more 
heating than serge — these are always full 
white. 

It consists of a long or short sack 
body-coat, waistcoat, and trousers. The 
body-coat may be single or double 
breasted. 

The waistcoat may match the body- 
coat in cut and material or not. Fancy 
patterns may be used. 

45 



Trousers are always the same material 
and color as the body-coat. 

Have the cut loose, and almost flowing. 

The trousers may have a stripe at the 
side. No pockets. 

Lounging suits may also be made up in 
some selected pattern, as small checks or 
narrow black stripes. But there is noth- 
ing so rich as the solid white lounging 
suit. 

The sash or kummerbund. — The length 
is from four to five yards. Always tie 
your sash — never wear those cheap, com- 
mon made-ups. 

A sash may be worn any time of day. 
The material is always silk. Never wear 
any but solid colors. Black silks and 
white silks are the most elegant and cor- 
rect. 

Sashes of maroon or dark blue are 
sometimes worn. The ends hang over 
the left hip, and should be evenly tied. 

46 



The sash is worn with a lounging suit, 
morning wear, afternoon dress, and even- 
ing dress. 

The white sash is worn with a white 
lounging suit and evening dress only. 

The neglige shirt is made of silk, or 
cheviots. However, this is no longer 
worn by young gentlemen of fashion. 

A word about this shirt — it is doubtless 
very comfortable, and can be worn longer 
than linen, but it is not as cool as linen, 
nor does it look as well about the neck. 




47 



HOUSE WEAR 



THE formal dress is the same as that 
worn at any other house. 
In the privacy of your rooms, however, 
you change this attire for something that 
is loose and comfortable. 

Sack body-coats of selected materials 
are used. The trousers are of some black 
or blue material, as selected. 

There is also the smoking jacket and 
the poker jacket — these are in many 
varieties of material and pattern. 

Again, we have the short and the long 
dressing-gowns. There are many patterns 
to choose from. 

48 



Before and after the bath, the bath- 
robe is put on. This differs from the silk 
dressing-gown in being made of Turkish 
toweling. No part of man's attire is more 
brilliant or beautiful than this robe. The 
comfort experienced in wearing is only 
equaled by its delicate and beautiful colors. 

For the feet we have the slipper ; this 
may be any leather and style your taste 
desires. Slippers are also made to match 
the bath-robe in material and pattern. 

You must not wear any of these things 
out of the privacy of your own apart- 
ments. 

For a lunch at home you would wear 
morning wear ; a reception or tea, after- 
noon dress ; evening affairs, evening dress. 

It is as necessary — in fact, it is due — 
when acting the part of the host to look 
your best as when you are a guest. 

When you dine at home evening dress 
is always required. 
5 49 



SLEEPING ATTIRE 



HESE are pajamas — consisting of a 



1 loose fitting sack coat, and loose 
fitting trousers. 

The material and pattern are selected as 
the wearer desires. 

Light weights for summer, and heavy 
for winter. Fine linen, silks, and cheviots 
are used. 




50 



LINEN AND KERCHIEFS 



THIS consists of the white linen shirt. 
It should always be made to order, 
if a fit is desired. 

The shirt opens in front only. You 
may have two or three buttonholes in the 
bosom. 

The collar and cuffs are attached. Never 
wear detachable collars and cuffs. 

This shirt with the plain bosom is worn 
for morning wear, afternoon dress, even- 
ing dress, or any other wear during the 
day. The same style of shirt is worn 
winter or summer. 

5» 



Very elegant shirts are made for even- 
ing dress, consisting of embroidered bos- 
oms or frills of linen. With each change 
of wear the linen should also be changed. 

At least three changes a day are made. 

The style of the collar. This may be very 
high, or medium, as your taste directs. 

The cuffs should extend to the first 
thumb-joint. Cuffs are made with round 
or square edges. 

The high, or standing, collar is worn 
with morning wear, afternoon dress, even- 
ing dress, and all other dress. 

The Handkerchief. — This is of pure 
white linen, with white borders. 

Embroidered or not, as taste dictates. 

The same style is carried with morning 
wear, afternoon dress, or evening dress, 
or any other wear. 

The upper left outside pocket is the 
place to carry it, except in evening dress, 
52 



when it is carried in the left or right side 
upper inside waistcoat pocket. 

The handkerchief of silk is carried with 
evening dress only. It is carried in the 
right hand while dancing, and worn in 
the shirt front. 

It may be any pattern desired. White 
silk is always the body, the border only 
being colored. 

The neckerchief. This is of silk, selected 
as to color and pattern. This is worn 
around the neck with greatcoat during 
cold weather. 

It is not a good thing to wear, as far as 
health goes. 

It is not necessary to the stylish dresser. 

A gold pin may be worn in a neck- 
erchief. 

Waistcoat Facings. — These are seldom 
worn now by the dressers. 



The material used is linen or silk, al- 
ways white. They are cut to match the 
waistcoat, opening about the tie. 

Worn in winter only. 

They can be worn with morning wear 
or afternoon dress. 



54 



UNDERCLOTHING 



THIS consists of shirt, drawers, and 
half-hose. 

The material may be flannel, balbrig- 
gan, or silk. 

White is the proper color, because it is 
pure and clean. 

Such colors as pink, or blue, or black 
may be worn. 

Have the drawers fit tight, or the trous- 
ers will set ill. 

Half-hose. — These should fit very tight. 
They should match the shirt and draw- 
ers in material and color. 

55 



Half-hose should be in solid colors only. 

Morning wear and afternoon dress. 
White or black is the most elegant ; other 
shades may be worn, if desired. They 
should match the underwear. 

For evening dress, white or black only. 
White half-hose worn with white under- 
wear only. Black half-hose with white 
or black underwear only. 

Half-hose Supporters. — These are made 
to hold up half-hose. They are of white 
silk. Other colors may be worn. 

Underclothing should be changed at 
least twice a day. Silk is worn always 
with evening dress. Indulge in baths as 
frequently as possible. 



56 



THE ART OF DRESSING THE 
COLLAR 



IN ties, cravats, and scarfs we have two 
colors — these are the principals. They 
are black, and white. With these, com- 
bined or separate, the most elegant scarfs 
are made. They may be figured or flow- 
ered, or solid colors. The materials used 
are silks, crepes, satins and lawn. 

The patterns — with black or white as 
a background — are innumerable. 

Use all the taste you can command in 
selecting ties. 

57 



Remember that black is your princi- 
pal body-coat color, and select your ties 
accordingly. At the same time you must 
not have the color or pattern of the tie at 
war with that of the waistcoat or trousers. 

Never wear those flaming ties, or shades 
that remind you of the colored paper sold 
in shops. 

But a gentleman need not be cautioned 
in this, for he has or will acquire taste. 

Besides black or white it is permissible 
to wear such shades of maroon, green, 
blue, violet, as are of a rich but quiet 
style. These are only worn with morn- 
ing wear. 

For [Morning Wear. — Cravats, four-in- 
hands, and puff scarfs. All self-tying. 
These may be black, white, or any of the 
before-mentioned shades. In silks and 
black satin. Gold pins are worn in the 
scarfs. It is the acme of ugliness to wear 
58 



pins in a four-in-hand, besides being vul- 
gar. The four-in-hand may be tied in the 
regulation style or in the form of a bow. 

Never wear a made-up bow, scarf, or 
four-in-hand. They look cheap, and they 
are vulgarly common. 

Then there is the bow or cravat, tied 
in the regular bow-knot. 

Black is the richest and most elegant 
color for morning wear. 

The same styles are worn in summer 
as in winter. In summer much of the 
bosom is allowed to show ; while in win- 
ter it seldom or never shows, excepting 
evening dress. Wherever and whenever 
morning wear is used, any of these ties 
may be worn. 

For riding, driving, traveling, yachting, 
and lounging, the ties for morning wear 
may be worn. 

Very elegant, large cravats— tied in a 
bow-knot, or as a four-in-hand — are made 
59 



from De Joinvilles ; either in black satins 
or black silks, or dark shades of silk. 

The De Joinville is folded by yourself or 
your furnisher. It may be sewed or not. 
This De Joinville cravat is for morning 
wear only. Always have your ties, cra- 
vats, and scarfs made to order. This is 
the only way to keep them uncommon. 

Afternoon Dress. — -Here is the chance 
for the greatest amount of display. Dia- 
mond pins, and large, white, puff scarfs 
tied and pinned in shape by yourself, 
are worn with the cutaway body-coat 
or the frock body-coat. 

In winter the large puff scarf only is 
worn with afternoon dress. 

In summer, four-in-hands — either in 
bow or regular tie — as well as the puff 
scarfs are worn. With a sash — a bow 
tied or a four-in-hand tied, its ends placed 
in the opening of the bosom, is worn. A 
60 



scarf may be worn with a sash when the 
body-coat is not worn open. 

Waistcoats should be four buttons, and 
body-coats cut low in collars in order to 
show the beauties of the huge puff scarf 
now worn. 

Silk is the material for the white scarf. 

Satin is only allowable in black and dark 
shades for scarfs. 

Exquisite silk or crepe puff scarfs con- 
sisting of white background with figures 
or flowers of a violet, blue, purple, ma- 
roon, etc., as your taste directs, are worn. 

Remember, simplicity for morning 
wear — elegance for afternoon dress. 

For house wear the black silk or satin 
four-in-hand is the neatest tie worn. 

The Ascot form of tying a scarf is sel- 
dom used now. 

Evening Dross. — Full evening dress re- 
quires the white lawn cravat — self-tying. 
6 61 



Long and wide is the most elegant. 

Once or twice around may be worn. 
For wear with Tuxedo or Cowes body- 
coat, or the dress body-coat at informal 
affairs, theater, club, or home dinners, the 
black satin cravat — self-tying — is the 
proper thing. It may be once or twice 
around as you like. Never wear this 
cravat with a white waistcoat or white 
sash. 



62 



WALKING STICK AND 
UMBRELLA 



HE walking stick is worn with morn- 



1 ing wear, afternoon dress, but never 
with evening dress. 

The styles are ever changing. Sticks 
are worn in summer and winter. In 
selecting sticks do not take the extremes 
in heavy or light. Never have any metal 
but silver — it is the most elegant. 

Among the best dressers and beaus of 
this city the walking stick is no longer 
carried or worn, either with morning 




wear or afternoon dress. As went the 
rapier so goes the walking stick. 

The Umbrella. — This is worn only in 
doubtful or wet weather. 

It is worn at any time of day. Silver 
is the only proper metal. The material 
should be silk or part silk. Never wear 
the case in the street. 



64 



MISCELLANIES 



WEDDINGS.— At morning wed- 
dings, the bridegroom wears 
formal afternoon dress and pearl-gray 
gloves. The others wear morning dress. 

Afternoon weddings, all wear after- 
noon dress. - 

Evening weddings, all wear evening 
dress. 

Funerals. — If in the morning, morning 
wear. Afternoon, afternoon dress. Even- 
ing, evening dress. Of course, all the 
attire is black in this case ; the only 

6* 65 



reason for black being the demand of 
superstitious custom. 

Christenings. — According to the time 
of day it takes place. If morning, morn- 
ing wear. Afternoon, afternoon dress. 
Evening, evening dress. 

At Home or Church. — The dress is the 
same when weddings, etc., take place at 
home as at church. 

Calls New Years. — It is not proper 
now to make calls on New Year's day. 
That is the only time that evening dress 
was ever worn before 6 p. m. It was 
worn nearly all day then. 

For Mourning. — Everything worn that 
shows, excepting the linen, should be 
black, for all times of day. 

Church Wear. — On Sunday, afternoon 
dress is worn at morning, afternoon, or 
evening service. 

66 



On the other days of the week, morn- 
ing wear, or afternoon dress, or evening 
dress, according to time of service, may 
be worn. 

Suspenders. — These may be of silk, or 
any other suitable material. Silk should 
always be worn with evening dress. 
White is the neatest color that can be 
worn. 

Suspenders are worn with every dress, 
summer or winter, with or without a 
sash. Each pair of trousers should have 
its individual suspenders. Great care 
must be used in adjusting the suspenders; 
if not, the trousers will set awkwardly. 

Uppers, or Overgaiters. — This article 
is becoming somewhat obsolete here. 
They are worn in the street only. They 
may be worn over any shoe or tie. For 
traveling or walking only. 

67 



On entering the house they should be 
removed. If worn, they should always 
be made the same as the trousers, in 
material and pattern. They spoil the set 
of the trousers in the legs. They are also 
clumsy. They are some protection to the 
trousers in muddy weather. They may 
be worn summer or winter. 

Uppers may be worn with morning 
wear, afternoon dress, or evening dress. 
Black cloth uppers may be worn during 
the daytime as well as in the evening. 

Attire Made to Order. — Have every- 
thing you wear made to order, when 
possible. 

Blondes and Brunettes. — Blondes should 
prefer dark materials. Brunettes, light 
materials. 

Jewelry. — The jewelry for a gentleman : 
Gold hunting-case watches. Gold fob- 
chains and silk fobs. 

68 



A watch may be worn with any dress. 
Silk fob for morning wear. Gold for 
afternoon and evening. 

As many rings as he cares to possess. 
Rings are not worn with evening dress ; 
only in the afternoon. In fact, it is not 
fashionably necessary to wear rings. 

The buttons used in the shirt bosoms 
are of gold set with precious stones. 
Diamonds are the most elegant. 

Plain gold buttons are worn with morn- 
ing wear. 

Stonine studs or buttons, in fact all 
studs, are out of style. 

For the sleeve or cuff : gold buttons are 
used for all wear. 

Any number of gold pins for the scarfs. 
These may be plain gold or set with 
precious stones; diamonds, of course, 
being preferable. 

Simple elegance is now the rule in 
jewelry. 

69 



Dressing Case— Always have on hand 
a large valise or dressing case for traveling. 

It is requisite if you go out of town for 
a night only, it being necessary to carry 
evening dress. 

Dressing Case Articles. — Articles for a 
dressing case are hair-brushes, combs, 
whisk-brooms, cloth-brushes, hand-mir- 
rors, manicure set, soaps, washes and 
toilet lotions, wash-cloths, brushes and 
picks for the teeth and gums, and shaving 
outfit. 

Rubbers. — Rubbers or goloshes are 
worn, if desired ; but only while walk- 
ing in the street. It is much better to 
have a heavy pair of laced-shoes for mud 
or snow. Of course, when there is ice 
on the walks, it is necessary to wear rub- 
bers, if you do any walking. Rubbers, 
when walking, may be worn over even- 
ing dress shoes. 

70 



Dress Shields. — These are of silk or 
satin. White or black. 

It is for evening dress only. Only for 
winter weather. It is placed over the 
linen bosom while en route. 

English Rain Attire. — An English attire 
for rainy weather consists of an oiled top- 
per — top-hat oiled with vaseline — and 
a long-skirted greatcoat, with a cape. 
Material and pattern selected. This is 
worn only during the day. Umbrella and 
rubbers are unnecessary. 

English Hunt Attire. — A heavy top-hat 
of black silk plush is worn. Gloves, 
crop, and spurs. 

A single-breasted, frock body-coat, 
green or pink, kersey. White moleskin, 
loose breeches. Top riding-boots. 

Hunt Ball. — The only change is in the 
body-coat. This is a pink broadcloth 
71 



evening dress body-coat. A white lawn 
cravat and white silk waistcoat are worn 
with it. 

Cloth 'Bands for Top-hats. — Wide black 
cloth bands are now worn on the silk top- 
hat, afternoon or evening. For riding or 
driving. 

Wigs. — The wearing of wigs is a cus- 
tom of the past. Whether it is to be re- 
vived or not the future alone will show. 

It is perfectly proper for a bald man to 
wear a wig. There is no reason in his 
hiding the fact either. A young man may 
wear a wig if he is prematurely bald. He 
certainly will make his appearance more 
presentable to others by so doing. 

Opera Glass. — A gentleman may carry 
one to the theater or opera — evening or 
afternoon. The small opera glass is most 
convenient. 

72 



Decorations. — These are worn only 
on formal occasions. Then they should 
appear on evening dress, or on afternoon 
dress with a frock body-coat. Worn on 
the left breast. 

Fans. — These may be carried at any 
evening reception by a gentleman, if he 
desires to so do, when there is to be 
dancing. 

Folding fans, with a heavy black or 
white silk cord and tassel, are recom- 
mended. 

As a rule, fans are carried only for 
summer dances. A gentleman will find 
it convenient and comfortable to have 
his own fan. 

Knee-buckles and Shoe-buckles. — These 
are of sterling silver. Buckles may be 
worn when knee-breeches are worn. 

Trousers Crease. — This may be worn 
in trousers or not as taste dictates. 
7 73 



It certainly improves the set of the trou- 
sers, and keeps the knees straight. 

Pockets. — These appear only in the 
waistcoat and body-coat. The only things 
carried — morning wear, afternoon dress, 
and evening dress — are the linen ker- 
chief — including the silk when in even- 
ing dress — money, watch, and fob chain 
in silk or gold, cards, pencil, silver or gold. 

The Monocle. — This is worn any time 
of day. Narrow black silk ribbon or cord 
is worn on it for morning and afternoon. 
For evening a wide black silk ribbon is 
used. 

Wearing a monocle is an English cus- 
tom. 

The monocle is seldom worn in this 
city. When worn it is placed in the right 
eye. 



74 



CLOSING REMARKS 



A gentleman in ordering his apparel, 
whether for morning wear, afternoon 
dress, or evening dress, will follow his 
own taste and desire as regards the 
style of seams, the material and style 
of linings, the size, number, and kind 
of buttons to be used, the number of 
pockets, the length of body-coats, over- 
coats, length and width of trousers, the 
style of his hat, gloves, and shoes, the 
length of sleeves and width of collars, use 
of braids and bindings, use of collar fac- 
ings, — in fact, every point connected with 
the making of garments, both outer and 
under clothing, hats, shoes, gloves, and 
ties, all these he must decide and order 
the maker to follow out. 

It is only through this care and atten- 
tion to details that he can show his taste 
75 



and ability to dress. Most important 
of all — especially in clothing — is the 
selection of material. 

This completes the dress necessary for 
a gentleman of fashion, in society or out. 
He is not asked to follow implicitly the 
rules as laid down here, but rather follow 
his own taste and ideas in the making 
and wearing of garments. 

This is only meant as a guide. It is 
believed to be correct in all its details, and 
can be followed safely as such. 

Finis coronat opus. 




76 



PART II. 



ESSENTIAL CUSTOMS FOR 
GENTLEMEN 



77 



CONTENTS 



PAGE 

Introduction . . . .81 
Actions Indoors . . . -85 

(1) Leaving the Room — (2) Walk Indoors — 
(3) Meeting on Stairs — (4) Hat Indoors 

— (5) Body-coat Indoors — (6) Overcoat 
Indoors — (7) Untidy Appearance — (8) 
Cards — (9) Calling — (10) In Company — 
(11) Receptions and Teas — (12) Luncheons 

— (13) Parties — (14) Dinners — (15) Danc- 
ing — (16) Balls, Dancing Classes, Theater 
Parties and Receptions — (17) Bowling — 
(18) Musicales and Matinee Parties — (19) 
Amateur Theatricals and Recitations — 
(20) Breakfasts — (21) Vocal and Instru- 
mental Music 

Actions Outdoors . . . .112 

(1) Walking — (2) Promenading — (3) Joining 
Lady — (4) Paying out Money — (5) Taking 
Seat in Public Conveyance — (6) Driving — 
(7) Riding — (8) Sailing 



PAGE 

Personal Appearance . . .126 

(1) Hands — (2) Face — (3) Teeth — (4) 
Hair — (5) Facial Expressions — (6) Position 

Habits . . . . . .131 

(1) Smoking — (2) Drinking — (3) Chewing — 
(4) Stretching and Yawning 

Conversation . . . .134 

(1) General — (2) Grammar — (3) Laughing — 
(4) Compliments and Flattery — (5) Small 
Talk 

Correspondence and Invitations . 138 
Personal Actions . . . .146 

(1) Escorts — (2) Extravagance — (3) Kissing 

— (4) Familiarity — (5) Chaperons — (6) 
Handshaking — (7) Kissing Hand — (8) Gen- 
tleman Engaged — (9) Introductions 

Proposing 159 

Presents . . . . .165 

(1) Flowers — (2) Jewelry — (3) Bon-bons 

— (4) Photographs 

General Politeness . . .170 

(1) Insults — (2) Embarrassments — (3) Temper 

Visiting 176 

(1) Acceptances and Regrets — (2) Duties of 
Visitor 



So 



INTRODUCTION 



Before entering upon my subject, I would 
first state that this work is unlike former 
books on manners and etiquette, for it seeks 
not as in those cases to establish rules, en- 
joining the reader to be controlled thereby, 
nor does it define customs and force them 
upon his knowledge. It merely touches 
upon usages of sufficiently long standing 
to constitute customs of society, reviews them 
before his mind, and classes them as faults 
if not properly practised, and gives the 
remedies of those faults. Also it defines 
customs which are practised too exactly to 
appear natural, and shows wherein they can 
be modified. In this work there are no 
monotonous rules imperatively laid down 
and the subjects are not tiresomely strained. 
81 



The most important customs only are de- 
scribed, with their modifying rules ; and 
though the work may say what should he 
done or omitted, yet it leaves it to the op- 
tion of the reader whether or not he will 
perfect his social training by a recognition 
and due exercise thereof. 

To classify the subjects under two gen- 
eral heads, I would first speak of ' 'Appear- 
ance/' 

There is no necessity for a gentleman to 
give opportunities for others to criticise 
his appearance. There is no reason why a 
gentleman should not at any and all times 
present a complete and neat attire. Dress, 
extravagant or plain, can always have such 
an effect, if care and taste are exercised. 
If he is in doubt as to his own ability to 
dress tastefully, then he should submit him- 
self to tuition, or, if he is too proud to dis- 
close his ignorance in the matter, he should 
take careful notice of the appearance and 
82 



good taste displayed by others, and endeavor 
to gain knowledge therefrom. In order to 
carry out my advice, it is only necessary 
that a gentleman should either possess or 
acquire good taste, and refer entirely to 
styles established by custom, as elucidated 
in Parti, of this book. 

The second head of customs is "Manner/' 
For a gentleman should not present a 
perfect appearance as to dress, and at 
the same time accompany his good taste 
with bad or impolite manners. A gentle- 
man should have a thorough knowledge 
of polite manners as established by custom, 
such as are defined in this work. I men- 
tion only the most important ones, it being 
immaterial to go into the minor branches 
of etiquette and manners, as they natur- 
ally follow in consequence of a due exer- 
cise of the more important ones. It is a 
very simple matter to cultivate easy and 
graceful manners, and just as easy to use 
83 



those manners in a polite and gentlemanly 
way, no matter how or under what circum- 
stances one may be placed in society. 

And now I think my reader is prepared 
for a perusal of what I would term not a 
classification of rules, but a kind of out- 
line history of customs as they should be 
recognised. 



s 4 



ACTIONS INDOORS 



Section i. A gentleman should never 
leave his room without a complete attire, 
as it is essential that he present the same 
appearance before a servant as a lady. 
The same rule should apply when he 
risks encountering unknown gentlemen, 
or acquaintances, as it should be his desire 
to receive respect at the hands of both 
sexes. 

2. If passing up or down stairs or 
through halls, a gentleman should take 
care not to tread heavily ; especially is this 
urged in hotels, when it is found neces- 
8 85 



sary to pass through hallways late at 
night. 

3. When about to ascend or descend a 
narrow stairway, if a lady is discovered 
thereon, step aside and allow her to pass ; 
your act thus permitting her free way 
without the discomfort of turning, as 
would follow if both met thereon. 

If with a lady, in ascending or descend- 
ing a narrow stairway, always precede 
her, putting a distance of at least four 
steps between. If on a broad stairway, 
allow her to occupy a place next the bal- 
ustrade, placing yourself at her other side. 

4. Not under any consideration should 
a hat be worn in a house or church ; never 
in a theater till the play is over, when it is 
allowable, as established by custom, on 
account of the draft following the opening 
of the exits,, and not in a hotel except in 
the office or smoking-rooms thereof. The 

86 



wearing of a hat is also permissible when 
lingering or detained in the draft of any 
open exit to the street. 

5. The body-coat should never be 
removed in the presence of ladies, no mat- 
ter how ready they may be to approve of 
the act, unless it is their express and 
unanimous desire, in which case the better 
policy, in choosing between the alternative 
of positive rudeness and a fall of dignity, 
is to take the course requested. 

6. An overcoat should never be worn 
in a private house unless the temperature 
is such as makes the act compulsory in 
order to preserve the health, and then 
only on receiving approval from the major- 
ity of those ladies (only) who may be 
present. It is immaterial if it be worn in 
a hotel, exceptions being made to the 
parlors, ball-room, dining-rooms or apart- 
ments. The overcoat should be removed 

87 



immediately on entering a theater or music 
hall if the intention is to remove it at all, as 
it is the height of rudeness to rise in the 
seat to remove it if the act cause discom- 
fort to, or obscures the view of, parties 
occupying rear or adjoining seats. 

7. (a) Never add to your comfort by 
making your appearance displeasing to 
others. And under this head I would 
state that the pockets of either coat, vest, 
or trousers should never be bulged out 
with articles so as in any way to spoil the 
effect of neatness and cut of the clothing. 
(b) The clothes should not be allowed to 
wrinkle ; if carefully worn, or when not in 
use hung smoothly on stretchers, wrinkles 
can be avoided, (c) The hands should 
never be carried awkwardly, and espec- 
ially must care be taken to keep them out 
of the pockets ; such habits mar the ap- 
pearance of the gentleman. 

88 



8. Cards. — (a) If calling upon one 
young lady, only one card should be 
delivered at the door; if on two ladies, 
two cards are required. It is unneces- 
sary that more than two should be sent 
up, even if the call is made on the 
whole family. This rule applies, also, 
in delivering cards at receptions, teas, af- 
ternoon musicales, and the like. Always 
send cards on occasions when you can- 
not attend in person. When calling upon 
ladies visiting a card should also be sent 
to their hostess. 

(b) The card should always have the 
gentleman's address on the right hand 
lower corner; or, if he has no permanent 
place of residence, then the name of 
his club, or of some person in whose 
care communications can be forwarded 
to him. If his name has too many ini- 
tials to permit of using the Christian 
name, then "Mr." should be used, 
8* 89 



and only the initials placed before the 
surname ; but otherwise, the use of 
"Mr." is according to taste, whether it 
be placed before the Christian name or 
omitted, though the latter is advised. 

9. Calling should be confined entirely 
to the afternoon and evening ; a few 
exceptions can be made in the case of 
very dear friends, when a call in the 
morning would not be out of the way. 
Such should be made between the hours 
of eleven and one. Afternoon calls should 
be made from three till five, exceptions 
being made on occasions where the lady 
is in the habit of having five o'clock tea, 
when it is allowable for the gentleman 
to stay till his cup or two cups are 
finished ; on no account is he to partake 
of more than two. Ordinary evening 
calls extend from eight to ten and are not 
to be made later than eight-thirty. For no 
90 



reason whatever should a gentleman stay 
later than ten, unless he is calling upon 
his fiancee ; the evening receptions extend 
from eight to eleven, and the call must be 
made before ten. 

When pressed to remain to a meal, 
unless at least five or six calls have previ- 
ously been made, he should decline the in- 
vitation, exceptions being permitted when 
the young lady's parents or guardians are 
on intimate terms with his own, in which 
case the second call will justify him in 
accepting. Intimacy between her broth- 
ers or sisters and your own will not 
suffice. The card is delivered at the 
door, and while waiting for the lady, 
enter the parlor. It is not necessary to 
remove the overcoat until the butler an- 
nounces whether or not she is at home 
and can see you ; whereupon, if she ac- 
knowledges your card, the overcoat, hat, 
cane and overshoes are to be left in the 
9* 



hall ; on no account leave them about the 
parlor. It is not necessary to remove 
the gloves. This rule applies in all cases 
where ordinary calls are in question ; if 
merely on a mission to occupy but a few 
moments, the overcoat may be kept on, 
and the cane carried in the hand, but the 
hat must always be left upon the rack. 

Always rise and advance to meet a 
lady at the door ; do not subject her to 
the inconvenience of discovering you and 
coming to you herself. If the lady seats 
herself upon a sofa, do not place your- 
self beside her without first obtaining 
her consent. If you take the seat, be 
careful of your position, and do not ap- 
pear too easy and at home, and, above 
all, do not cross the legs. Also, keep 
the hands as quiet as possible; don't 
handle any objects or toy with orna- 
ments, or twist your watch-chain, for 
it shows you are either nervous or 
92 



fidgety, and you thereby produce the 
nervous effect upon your companion. 
The conversation should be of a sensible 
topic ; or, if amusing, it should be at 
least interesting : the best topics to 
converse upon being theaters, plays, 
society, picture exhibitions, art, build- 
ings, literature, and especially light 
gossip. Travels may also be discussed, 
but first ascertain of the lady whether 
she has traveled ; if not, and she does 
not ask you to recite your travels, and 
it is your desire to do so, then describe 
them as briefly as possible. If you find 
a young lady begins to appear restless, 
say a few words more and take your 
departure ; there is no knowing but that 
she has some other engagement. Never 
at any time speak of an acquaintance in 
a disagreeable manner. Do not even say 
anything unguardedly about a third per- 
son, for fear that the trait or action you 
93 



describe may disclose to your companion 
of whom you are speaking. These last 
two cautions may seem of minor impor- 
tance, but they are, on the contrary, very 
important, as thousands of serious quar- 
rels result from neglecting them. 

10. When in company, do not by word 
or action make yourself obnoxious to 
those present. Your words should be 
well chosen and spoken at the proper 
time, and in good grammar ; omit slang. 
If of a joking frame of mind, deliver your 
joke in a quiet way, and do not carry 
your ability too far ; for too much of a 
good thing is worse than none at all. 
A few good jokes, delivered with telling 
effect, will do more for your reputation 
in that line than a thousand poor ones 
improperly delivered. No man should 
laugh at his own joke, and when doing 
so at others' he should take care not to 
94 



be boisterous. Do not monopolize the 
conversation ; it cannot be done without 
interrupting others, and to do that is the 
height of rudeness. When in company, 
and persons are talking, do not pick them 
up on any statement of which you do 
not approve, and pointedly contradict 
them, nor start any argument which 
would tend to their embarrassment. 
Never flatter or compliment in company, 
as it makes the object of your attention 
feel conspicuous, and those present im- 
agine that they are of less importance in 
your estimation. Do not ask a young 
lady to attend any entertainment with 
you, or do not extend any invitation if 
another lady be present, with whom you 
are even but slightly acquainted; your 
partiality for one should never be disclosed 
to another. Unless you can do it grace- 
fully, do not execute a dance or attempt 
to imitate stage performers. 

95 



Also take care not to upset or run into 
ornaments or stub the toe against them, 
and be sure of your footing, that you do 
not trip on mats, etc. A great many 
gentlemen imagine it to be necessary to 
back out of a room on taking their depart- 
ure ; not so, — merely say "good-by" 
(or "good-morning," or words suited to 
the time of day), and, turning to the door, 
walk out to the hallway. If the hostess 
has an inclination or desire to follow you 
and continue any unfinished subject which 
may have been under discussion, it is not 
necessary to retire in so awkward a man- 
ner. Promptly announce your intention 
and enter the hall ; while adjusting the 
overcoat and gloves, the conversation can 
be continued. This method can be exer- 
cised without the faintest appearance of 
rudeness. . . Subjects to be carefully 
studied for company use may be found 
under the head of " Conversation/' 
9 6 



1 1 . If you are at a special invitation 
afternoon tea or reception, pay particular 
attention to the hostess whenever she is 
seen unoccupied, and offer your company 
in escorting her to partake of refresh- 
ments. Always eat lightly of the viands 
yourself. If a crowded reception, half an 
hour only should be spent thereat. A 
reception call should be made within three 
months thereafter ; half an hour, or possi- 
bly three-quarters, is proper for such a call. 

12. A gentleman should never enter 
his sister's luncheon hall when the repast 
is in progress ; such intrusions prove 
fatal to topics of dress generally under 
discussion, or other matter not intended 
for his ears. A gentleman can give a 
stag luncheon, or a luncheon for both 
ladies and gentlemen if a chaperon pre- 
sides. 

Under this head informal lunches may 

9 97 



also be discussed. These are such as 
persons are apt to partake of without 
any special previous arrangement, either 
at restaurants or private houses. As a 
gentleman is at liberty to dine where he 
pleases, I only speak of the subject in 
connection with ladies. 

A gentleman should never invite a lady 
to lunch at his own house, no matter 
how well acquainted he may be with 
her, not even when engaged, unless a 
chaperon be present at the meal, and not 
invite her at all unless he has met her 
very frequently beforehand. 

A gentleman can accept an invitation to 
lunch with a lady under the same condi- 
tions as those of an invitation to stay to 
dinner when calling (see Sec. 9.) 

When desirous of asking a lady to 
lunch at a restaurant, whether you take 
her direct from the house to it, or while 
walking, makes no difference ; a chaperon 
98 



must be present at the meal unless you 
bear an existing or agreed future relation- 
ship to her, or your friendship is under- 
stood by your own and the lady's friends 
to be so dear as not to allow of suspicion 
or question — when a chaperon can be 
dispensed with. 

Without a chaperon be extremely care- 
ful in your selection of a restaurant ; seek 
those whose reputation is quiet and re- 
fined and of less publicity than the rest of 
the well-known restaurants. Always 
when with a lady enter the restaurant 
by the door intended for ladies' use ; never 
by the public entrance. 

13. Evening parties should be attended 
before the hour of eleven, in full dress. If 
with a lady do not keep her waiting, but 
rather let her find you awaiting her at 
the dressing-room door. If alone or 
otherwise take care to seek the hostess 
99 



on entering the parlor ; this is a piece of 
politeness sadly overlooked nowadays, 
especially by individual gentlemen. At 
a dance always take the inside arm of a 
lady while promenading. Repeatedly ask 
after her thirst, and never allow her to 
approach the refreshment table, but bring 
the glass to her on your kerchief if there 
are no doily s. Always pay particular at- 
tention to the hostess, and ask her re- 
peatedly to dance. Never, if idle and you 
see her without a partner, allow her to 
remain thus alone; under such circum- 
stances, likes and dislikes should be set 
aside, or you should not have attended 
the dance. Always offer your arm to 
your partner immediately on ceasing to 
dance. Make it a rule never to leave a 
dance without bidding the host or hostess 
good-night, and thanking them for the 
pleasures of the evening. This is another 
poor policy of a great many men, to leave 

IOO 



quietly without the knowledge of the host 
or hostess. 

Party calls should be made within a 
year at the farthest after the party, and 
should occupy the same length of time 
as an ordinary call. 

1 4. Dinners should be attended prompt- 
ly on time. Always allow the ladies to be 
seated first. Do not attempt to pass any- 
thing if the servants are present, nor even 
if they are not present unless expressly 
requested to do so. 

Do not attempt to speak when the 
mouth contains food. When spoken to, 
a motion of the head will be sufficient to 
convey the reply intended, and at the 
same time to acquaint your questioner 
with the fact that he has spoken inoppor- 
tunely. In order to conform to the vari- 
ous customs it is advisable to abstain as 
long as is prudent from folding the nap- 
9* 1 01 



kin till you view the action therein of the 
host or hostess. But this is only neces- 
sary at more or less informal dinners. 
The prevailing custom of formal dinners 
is never to fold the napkin. Care must 
be taken not to make noises with the 
mouth, when eating, and not to smack 
the lips. If a total abstainer from drink, 
you must not turn your glasses upside- 
down, nor allow them filled. Merely 
stop the servant when your glass is 
half filled, thus preventing comment and 
complete waste at one and the same 
time. You must not call the servants, 
but endeavor to beckon them to you with 
the head and eyes, not with the finger. 
Never speak louder than will allow of a 
comprehension of what you are saying. 
Do not toy with articles on the table, and 
when the hands are not employed in eat- 
ing they must be kept in the lap. Don't 
put the elbows on the table. Reading 

102 



is not to be indulged in at the table, unless 
it is a letter or special communication, 
when you must beg pardon for your 
rudeness. Do not leave the table before 
the rest have finished except in case of 
necessity, and then by permission only, 
always excusing yourself. When remain- 
ing till the finish, never rise till the host or 
hostess or both have signified that the meal 
is at an end, by rising first. 

15. There is one custom in this work 
which above all others is essential to 
every man who has any desire to play 
the role of a thorough social success, and 
that requirement is dancing. There is 
not one thing which a society gentleman 
performs, which gives so much enjoy- 
ment not only to himself, but to others. 
Nothing is more closely criticized, noth- 
ing more prominent when in execution ; 
nothing more benefiting as an exercise, 
103 



and nothing more satisfactory to the per- 
former, than dancing. By that word is 
meant any performance which has the 
name of dance, and which has the 
requisites of " grace/' "ease," and 
"perfect performance/' To be a per- 
fect dancer the above expressions in refer- 
ence to your dancing should be won from 
your admirers. Do not think, because 
you have an idea of how to dance, that 
you really do so perfectly. The first 
requirement to good dancing is grace. 
If you are graceful you cannot appear 
awkward to on-lookers, for your step is 
firm, body quiet, and arms still. The 
arm is never pumped, and the feet are 
barely lifted off the floor. To have ease, 
a dancer should appear confident of his 
ability, and show that ability by a correct 
and actual performance of the dance in the 
above-explained graceful way. To have 
a perfect performance of a dance, both 
104 



of the former requirements are to be exer- 
cised, with these additional requisites, 
viz. : use a long decided glide, never jump 
or hop, always reverse equally as much 
as you turn the original way, keep to 
the side of the room, direction to the 
right from the entrance. Do not collide 
with other couples, or at least protect 
your partner from sudden collisions, and 
on no account allow her to slip. 

The right hand should be at the lady's 
back, between the lower ends of the 
shoulder-blades, and should always carry 
a silk handkerchief. Never in dancing 
hold a lady close to you, for it is the most 
disagreeable position for her, and looks 
decidedly improper. Hold your partner at 
all times at arms' length ; this gives you 
freedom of speech, space to use the feet, 
and allows you to glide more easily. In 
a waltz, always take a long, sweeping 

glide, with as little rise as possible. Any 
105 



step between a Boston dip and the Phila- 
delphia glide, if used as a sort of an im- 
perceptible, sweeping dip, will appear to 
great advantage on the floor. A Polka 
should either be glided or walked through ; 
never skip, and do not take too long a 
step, and do away entirely with all fancy 
variations of the dance. Keep strictly to 
the original Polka form and you will avoid 
all awkward appearances. The same rule 
applies to the Yorke, Galop, etc. The 
Schottische is a beautiful dance, if per- 
formed gracefully as in the waltz, only 
much more care should be exercised in the 
forward steps. Do not use that once popu- 
lar, but awkward manner of skipping in 
this dance, but the more modern three 
running steps. Those familiar with all 
these popular dances will comprehend 
the importance of my criticisms. The Ca- 
price is the combination dance of waltz 
and polka, and necessitates more care and 
1 06 



attention than any other. Nothing but 
the glide step should be used in this 
dance. 

1 6. Balls, Dancing Classes, Theater 
Parties, Receptions. — These may all be 
given by gentlemen, if they have married 
ladies as patronesses. Theater parties 
can be followed by dinners at the popu- 
lar restaurants, the chaperon attending. 
If the party occupies more than one box, 
an equal number of chaperons should 
accompany it. 

17. Bowling — Card-playing. — In bowl- 
ing, a gentleman should keep the score, 
notify the ladies of their turns as they 
come round, hand them the balls — not 
too large, but heavy enough to be thrown 
with ease and effect. See that they enjoy 
the game thoroughly, or else cease the 
sport. If you notice fatigue in a lady's 

107 



manner, ask her to desist. Many 
sprains, dislocations, and twists are the 
result of attempting to throw balls with 
tired wrists. A gentleman can organize 
a bowling club under the supervision of 
a chaperon attending each meeting. 

At cards, he pays strict attention to 
those playing ; he endeavors to make the 
games pleasant. He should never look 
over another's hand of cards ; and, above 
all, should never cheat. He should never 
gamble and bet on cards, nor allow games 
of that kind in his house. 

1 8. Musicales — Matinee Parties. — Gen- 
tlemen attend these either as escorts or 
alone. They are at liberty to give them 
whenever they desire to do so. They 
must always have a patroness or chap- 
eron present. 

19. (1) When asked to participate in 
amateur theatricals, do not unhesitatingly 
108 



accept the invitation, but first consider 
your ability, not only to^ act the part 
tendered you, but that which is of more 
importance, viz., to be able to act grace- 
fully, and carry it out in all its perfection ; 
for it is only of too frequent occurrence 
that young men readily accept, confident 
of being able to memorize their part, 
disregarding the fact that memorizing is 
not acting. After having accepted an in- 
vitation to act, being of fair ability so to do, 
be careful to pay strict attention to your 
part, and be punctual at all the rehears- 
als. Gentlemen can organize amateur 
theatrical clubs among themselves at 
discretion, but on no occasion should 
ladies be included without a chaperon 
at hand. 

(2) Never offer to recite, and if asked 
to do so, decline, unless you are sure 
of what you are about to recite. Do 
not make your recitations too lengthy, 
10 109 



and not too dramatic. Be sure that your 
gestures are fitted for the words used ; 
make them few, but telling. Do not 
hurry through a piece ; and above all, do 
not shout ; suit the voice to the size of 
the room or hall in which you are reciting. 
If encored, acknowledge such by another 
piece, or repetition of the first ; but to 
further applause, merely bow. 

20. Breakfasts can be given at anytime 
within the hours of eight and twelve a. m., 
to gentlemen, or ladies and gentlemen, a 
chaperon being present for the latter. 
Invitations for these, as for any other 
event, should be answered within the 
customary time — two weeks before the 
occurrence ; or, if the invitation is later 
than two weeks before date of breakfast, 
an immediate reply is necessary. 

2 1 . When in company never offer to 
sing unless you are perfectly confident of 

I 10 



your ability to satisfy the expectations 
of those present. If asked to sing, un- 
less of ability to do so, be not too ready 
to accept the invitation, but wait till it is 
tendered you again, so that, in case of 
failure, you be not looked so unfavorably 
upon as if you had accepted readily ; the 
same rule applies to playing upon instru- 
ments. When singing or playing reply to 
only one encore ; to more, merely bow or 
offer your excuses. 



1 1 1 



ACTIONS OUTDOORS 



Section i . When walking alone a quick 
step is to be taken; the toes must be 
turned out. Never run into a person, if 
ordinary care can prevent it, and especi- 
ally give way to a lady, no matter how 
you may meet. Always keep to the 
right of the sidewalk, and never pass in 
front of a lady coming at right angles 
at a street corner, unless a distance of six 
feet intervene between said lady and the 
crossing-point when you reach it. In 
bowing when alone the hat should be 
carried quickly down to the right, or left 

I 12 



if left-handed, till the back of the hand 
strikes the hip, then slowly replaced on 
the head. The taking-off of the hat is 
to be accompanied by a slight forward 
inclination of the body and a smile of 
recognition. 

Unless the cause of the act is known 
to the lady as well as yourself, never cut 
her, that is, do not look at her and refuse 
absolutely to return her bow, but recog- 
nize it in an indifFerent manner sufficient 
to convey the fact that something is 
wrong, and that the return bow was 
forced, while still it is polite. If you know 
a lady whom you dislike and have no de- 
sire to recognize, never look at her in pass- 
ing, as you would thus invite recognition, 
and would be exceedingly impolite in cut- 
ting her. When you meet a person walk- 
ing, and that awkward dodging in the 
effort to pass occurs, always stop and 
turn slightly to the right till the other has 
io* 113 



passed on. If it be a lady, the expression 
" Pardon " is to be used as she passes. 
If you step on a man's foot, address him 
with an apology merely ; if on a lady's, the 
apology must be accompanied by a slight 
bow. Never carry a parcel of any kind: 
if a hat is to be taken to the store, carry it 
in a leather case; if articles of wear, carry 
them in a satchel. Do not wear too large 
a boutonniere ; a few dozen violets or two 
or three pinks, or a few sprays of lily 
of the valley, or a few pansies, or a very 
small red rosebud for afternoon, and as 
few leaves as possible. For the evening 
a few sprays of hyacinth or lily of the 
valley is the only proper buttonhole 
bouquet. 

2. When walking with a lady keep 
either a military step, or if her step is 
too short for your comfort, then take a 
Newport drag pace, taking care that the 
114 



body does not rise much, thus preventing 
a see-saw appearance. Always walk on 
the side nearest the curbstone, except 
in the case of a very crowded street, 
when it may be the most convenient for 
the lady to walk on your right. A dis- 
tance of half a foot should be kept be- 
tween the lady and yourself at all times 
when the walk is not crowded; this is 
necessary always in the daytime, and 
also in the evening unless the acquain- 
tance is such as permits taking arms. 
Never lock arms in the daytime. Always 
pay attention if your companion is speak- 
ing; your mind should not be distracted 
by persons or objects passing; there is 
nothing more unsatisfactory and disagree- 
able to a young lady than for her to real- 
ize that she is unheard and unheeded. 
When with a lady it is unnecessary to 
stop at all to permit another lady to pass 
when coming at right angles, as is neces- 
i»5 



sary when alone. When raining always 
hold the umbrella; when sunny never 
offer to, or hold a parasol, unless ex- 
pressly requested to do so; a sunshade 
is for a lady to hold, and looks out of 
place in a gentleman's hand, unless it is 
a particularly heavy one, or the wind 
is too strong to permit of the lady car- 
rying it comfortably. If she has a satchel 
or large parcel when you meet her, im- 
mediately offer to carry it. 

. 3. When joining a lady, if coming to- 
ward her, wait till she has passed ; then 
turning, join her with the usual or in- 
tended salutation, without stopping her. 
Never come intentionally face to face to 
join her; she will, presumably, think 
that you wish to stop, and it is a settled 
conclusion that a lady and gentleman 
should never stop to talk on the street; 
in a party it is permissible only if the 
116 



several persons thereof have chanced to 
meet, or are in the act of parting. When 
joining a lady in the morning on the street 
only accompany her a few blocks, for the 
morning is shopping-time, and escorts are 
seldom desired. Never fail to raise the 
hat on leaving a lady on the street, or at 
doors or windows. When it is muddy 
cross before a lady that she may profit by 
your action, by crossing in your foot- 
prints. If very muddy offer your hand for 
her support in finding good foot-rests. 
Never carry the cane in the hand next 
the lady if it is possible to carry it in 
the other; if not possible, because the 
other is the useful one, then it should 
be carried under the arm next to her 
with that hand placed at the cane-head. 
The reason of this rule will be under- 
stood on reflecting, that if the cane is 
carried in the useful hand, it must neces- 
sarily be conveyed to the other every 
117 



time a man bows; it is a poor action, 
and presents an awkward appearance, 
especially if the cane drops. This rule 
also applies to umbrellas when rolled. Of 
course this is plain, as it is not supposed 
that a gentleman when promenading car- 
ries any but these two articles. Never let 
a lady carry your cane in the city. 

When entering a door or passageway, 
allow the lady to precede you, as is done 
indoors. When with a lady, and she 
bows, your bow should be less marked 
than when alone ; the hat is to be raised 
and carried quickly to the front as low as 
the chin, then as speedily replaced. When 
you consider the side you occupy, the 
advisability of this manner of bowing is at 
once seen on reflecting that a sweeping 
bow would more or less interfere with 
the continuation of your companion's rec- 
ognition of the third party, which is a 
complaint the majority of young ladies 

118 



set up. In giving a lady soda-water or 
other cooling drink, do not allow her to 
use her own kerchief, but insist upon her 
using one of your own ; a gentleman 
should always carry two. Also, in view 
of the fact that many pockets in dresses 
are difficult to discover immediately, the 
gentleman should thus be prepared for 
emergencies. If walking in the afternoon 
with a lady, and you are overtaken by 
darkness, do not continue, but imme- 
diately board a horse-car, enter a stage, or 
have your carriage follow and meet you, 
and thus return. This rule is on the 
principle that ladies and gentlemen should 
not walk the streets after dark, and this 
principle is universally approved of by 
society. The walk to and from cars to 
attend theaters in the evening, is a differ- 
ent matter entirely, and cannot be offered 
in opposition to the above rule (as many 
have claimed), as it is confined to only a 
u 9 



few particular streets, and has nothing 
whatever to do with avenue promenades ; 
besides, it is understood that crossing to 
theaters is compulsory, and so excusable. 
In taking a lady for a walk, you should 
always provide her with a fair-sized 
bouquet of violets, if popular, or, if not, 
of roses to harmonize with her type, 
whether blonde or brunette ; or any class 
of flowers which you know would suit 
her taste, provided they are not out of 
style, or unsuited to the season or for 
street wear, or perhaps too loud for her 
general appearance. 

4. When with a lady, always pay her 
fare in a public conveyance, at a ticket 
office, or gate, or any place where fare is 
demanded, unless she has a ticket for the 
occasion. 

If in the vehicle, at the office, or gate, 
or any place requiring the payment of 
120 



fare, and you meet a lady friend who has 
not as yet paid her fare, do not offer to 
do so for her, as it is very bad form, and 
presents the appearance of a desire on 
your part to let people know you have 
money, and the act more or less reflects 
upon the lady's purse. If accompanying 
a lady into a store, do not offer to buy 
her this and that ; such an act is simply 
out of consideration ; it is an affront to 
her purse, and she rejects your offer ; no 
lady would accept it unless for some very 
trifling purchase. 

5. When in any crowded public con- 
veyance, a lady gets in, always rise im- 
mediately and notify her of the vacancy. 
Do not think, because you are tired, you 
are justified in keeping the seat, for you 
do not know but that the lady is just as 
tired as yourself. Again, when you see 
a small space between two ladjes, do not 
11 121 



try to wedge yourself in ; it is better to 
be uncomfortable yourself, than to cause 
discomfort to the ladies. Do not lean 
over or against a lady when holding the 
strap overhead, and she is seated below. 
Always, if next the fare-box, offer to de- 
posit a lady's fare, especially in stages. 
Never in city conveyances, if a conductor 
is at hand, offer your assistance in raising 
or lowering a window, but solicit the 
conductor to do it for you ; if none is upon 
or in the conveyance, then lend your help. 

6. When asking a lady to drive, do so 
only on an advanced acquaintance, and do 
not keep her out after dark. Take care 
not to allow the whip to dangle in her 
face, and, in urging on the horses, do so 
in an easy manner, without that sudden 
start which throws the lady so violently 
back in her seat. Do not talk about 
horses ; it is a very poor subject, and 

122 



savors of poor taste. In calling for a lady 
do not keep her waiting, but have the 
vehicle at the door on time. If possible 
to leave the reins loose on the horses, 
step out and help the lady into the vehi- 
cle, then pass round to the other side and 
take your seat, carefully adjusting the 
lap-robe over both. Do not keep up a 
continuous chuckle to the horses, as it is 
a very monotonous sound, but use the 
whip. A full driving suit should always 
be worn if a lady accompanies you. 
Always wear gloves in driving. If you 
have spirited horses to handle, it is not 
necessary while driving to take off the 
hat when recognizing a person ; a smile 
and an inclination of the head are sufficient, 
for taking off the hat interferes consider- 
ably with your management of the ani- 
mals, and has often resulted in serious 
accidents. Do not take a lady riding in 
the morning. The afternoon from three 
123 



till five is the proper time. Never on any 
account drive on Sunday. Never take a 
lady in a light wagon or buggy, or out 
with fast horses, in the city, for it is not 
stylish ; in fact, such turnouts are com- 
mon, as in use only by sporting men or 
horse lovers. 

7. Riding should be confined to the 
morning as much as possible, and a com- 
plete outfit worn upon all occasions. 
Especially is this urged when with a lady. 
Always keep head and neck of your own 
horse beyond your companion's, if a lady, 
in view of being able and prepared to 
assist her in case of fright or accident to 
her horse. Always assist her in mount- 
ing and alighting from her horse. 

8. Sailing is a pastime which can be 
indulged in at leisure by a gentleman 
who knows a thing or two about such 
pleasure; whether he has confidence in 
his ability or not, if he ventures upon 

124 



that pleasure he does so at his own risk. 
But when he has a lack of knowledge, 
and lack of confidence in his ability to 
handle a boat, not under any consideration 
should he venture to invite a lady to 
accompany him. To take ladies sailing, 
when you are ignorant of the methods of 
handling sailing craft, is a risk that often 
has frightful results ; these have been 
often seen, where summer men who 
know positively nothing about the art 
of sailing have issued invitations, and 
ventured on their perilous, uncertain 
pleasure. Always take a skipper, and 
no danger will arise. Take care to look 
first after the comfort of the ladies, and 
always provide cushions, field-glasses, and 
especially ice-water in view of a calm. 
This latter is very often neglected, to the 
great distress of the ladies when the boat 
is becalmed. The writer can safely make 
this suggestion, as he had such an exper- 
ience himself. 

ii* 125 



PERSONAL APPEARANCE 



Section i . The hands should always be 
kept clean . Do not think because you have 
gloves on that you are safe in neglecting 
your hands. You may be suddenly called 
upon to perform some act which would 
necessitate taking off the gloves, thus ex- 
posing soiled hands. The nails should be 
kept perfectly clean and projecting about 
one-twelfth of an inch from the tender 
flesh and not too pointed, and are to be 
only slightly polished. All hang-nails 
should be cut off, and advanced flesh 
pushed back from the root of the nails. 
126 



Do not wear too many rings. A gentle- 
man should never have on more than two, 
and those to be placed one on each hand. 
Always place them on the fingers next 
the little ones. Large diamonds should 
not be worn; one carat is the usual 
weight. Also, do not wear broad bands 
of gold, they are very common-looking 
on a gentleman ; a seal-ring or intaglio is 
quite sufficient. Never wear bracelets, it 
is exceedingly effeminate. And, above all, 
do not wear ladies' rings. 

2. The face, if without a growing 
beard or moustache, should be kept clean. 
This can best be done by a light shave. Do 
not shave too close ; to be sure it appears 
more free of hair for the time being, 
but then, as the hair grows out, eruptions 
cover the face, especially the neck ; thus 
for a few hours' clean appearance you 
undergo several days' discomfort. 
127 



3. The teeth should be kept clean, 
white, and polished. It is necessary that 
they be kept clean, as odors from them 
sometimes give the impression of a 
disordered stomach, and makes con- 
versation at close quarters exceedingly 
disagreeable. 

4. The hair should be carefully brushed, 
with a neat part, the sides at the front 
being slightly raised and pushed back. 
The hair can be parted on either the left, 
right, or center of the head, but it should 
never be flattened and plastered down, as 
the appearance is very weakening to the 
character of the face. Leave such a fad to 
those of bad taste, who have nothing else 
to do but corrupt the standing customs. 

5. Do not, no matter how much dis- 
pleased, at any time wear a scowl or 
severe expression ; it does you no good as 

128 



to others, for they do not know the cause 
thereof, and they naturally conclude 
you to be of a disagreeable disposition. 
Equally true is it that the face should be 
free from that incessant smiling which 
overspreads the countenances of so many. 
The face should possess neither one of 
these expressions, but present a set, firm 
appearance, conveying no idea of the 
thoughts of the mind. Outward causes 
are exceptions to the changes of facial 
expressions. When talking, care should 
be taken not to accompany the words 
with distortions of the face. The mouth 
should not be opened too wide, nor the 
tongue stuck out. Never bite the lips or 
pick the teeth, as both distort the face. 
Never use the eyes in a flirtatious manner, 
as it is very poor taste and shows conceit. 
Also, do not glance at a strange lady in a 
steady or impertinent manner ; least of 
all on the street or in public vehicles. 
129 



6. Your position should always be 
as dignified as possible ; if sitting, the 
body should be held upright and the arms 
gracefully placed, and not twisted or hung 
over the back of the chair. Always 
face the person whom you are address- 
ing. When standing, your position 
must be straight, shoulders back, and 
head well up. The legs to be close to- 
gether or one slightly advanced, in a posi- 
tion of rest. The arms can be carried 
either by locking hands behind the back, 
or in front, or they can be folded upon the 
chest ; either way can be made to appear 
graceful. When walking, the body is 
carried as in standing, and the busy 
hand must carry its contents as grace- 
fully as possible, while the other hand is 
allowed to hang by the side, moving only 
with the motion of the body. Both, if 
free, must hang thus ; never put them in 
the pockets. 

130 



HABITS 



Section i . Smoking should be confined 
entirely to a studio, smoking-room, draw- 
ing-room, or library, when ladies are, or in- 
tend to be, in the vicinity later, and should 
never be indulged in, even in the places 
mentioned above, if the ladies are present, 
without their unanimous consent thereto. 

Smoking in the street is also objected to, 
exception being made when on the front 
platforms of cars, when a gentleman 
should make it his duty to see that the 
smoke does not prove disagreeable to 
ladies in the car. 

131 



2. Drinking to excess is not the habit 
of a gentleman. Drink should be taken 
only in moderation, especially at dinner 
parties when ladies are present. Do not 
boast of your fondness for the beverage. 
If you chance to be at all under the influ- 
ence of liquor, or even if you have merely 
a strong odor of it on the breath, do not 
attend a reception or dance, as such an 
odor is not perfume to the partners with 
whom you may dance or converse. 

3. Chewing tobacco or other stuff 
manufactured for the same purpose should 
never be indulged in by a gentleman, no 
matter where he is. Spitting must not 
be practised in the presence of ladies, 
and should be done away with entirely 
unless alone and out of sight of others. 
Clearing the throat should not be done 
in ladies' company, and be careful not 
to allow indications of indigestion to 

132 



rise noisily in the throat. And lastly, do 
not hiss through the teeth or hum to 
yourself in company. 

4. Do not, no matter how cramped 
you may be, stretch in the presence of 
ladies, and not at all at the table, even if 
alone. Yawning should be confined to 
your own presence strictly, or, if it is 
irrepressible, place the fingers before the 
mouth. 



133 



CONVERSATION 



Section i . Never use sarcasm in direct 
conversation, as it is but a veiled form of 
insult. Do not use deceit, especiallyin con- 
versing with a lady; also, avoid prevarica- 
tion, as such is bad policy. Do not boast, it 
is an absurd habit to fall into. Too many 
puns or jokes become monotonous; jokes 
should not be told in reference to a per- 
son present, unless the acquiescence of 
the party be first received. 

2. Your grammar should be of the best, 
and your words selected with great care. 
■ 34 



Large words should be used very seldom 
unless the topic of conversation calls for 
them. 

3. Laughter should never be forced; if 
you are not amused, merely smile. When 
laughing at a small matter do so in a light, 
sincere way ; when amused by some 
good joke or occurrence, laugh heartily 
but not too loudly; merely convey the 
fact that the joke or event is appreciated. 
This rule should apply at all times when 
ladies are present. 

4. Never flatter a lady, for it is the 
poorest substitution for a sensible topic 
that was ever thought of in society. It is 
disliked by ladies and gentlemen alike, 
and it shows insincerity in its every use. 
If you desire to say something nice to a 
person, make use of more serious expres- 
sions, commonly known as compliments, 



for, if you intend to compliment and 
speak too sweetly, it is not such, but flat- 
tery, you are making use of. Only com- 
pliment when a person deserves it, and 
do not do so too often. 

5. In society one should always be 
prepared for impromptu conversation, or 
small talk, and should always have plenty 
of it in stock ; that is, not the whole sub- 
stance of the expected conversation, but 
subjects upon which you can converse at 
a moment's notice. At receptions, teas, 
dinners, dances, or any other entertain- 
ment, the topics should be select, and 
the oral abilities prepared to discuss them 
in a free and familiar way. Such topics 
might well be classed under the simple 
heads of Art of latest Artists, Receptions, 
Teas, etc., and especially Latest Novels, 
then also Plays and the criticisms, or 
Noted People of the Day. You will find 
136 



any one of these sufficient for short con- 
versation. Literature and grave subjects 
would prove too extensive. Try not to 
criticize people severely, and do not speak 
on any subject which, after a few remarks, 
appears uninteresting or distasteful to the 
person conversing with you. When a 
subject has been once discussed and 
abandoned by all, it is bad taste to return 
to it during that same conversation or in 
the same company. 




12* 



"37 



CORRESPONDENCE AND 
INVITATIONS 



Section i. Correspondence is a thing 
which every man should be able to do 
well in all its branches, whether social or 
business, whether formal or otherwise, 
whether brief or extended in its subject- 
matter. A gentleman should always be 
able to write sensible letters, and to the 
point, without deviating from the general 
topic. When corresponding with other 
men keep strictly, unless with a very close 
friend, to the subject in question. But 
138 



when writing to ladies the rule is different. 
To adhere so exactly to the topic of dis- 
cussion is significant of a desire to have 
the matter through with. Always add 
further casual remarks tending to show 
an interest beyond the duty of corre- 
spondence. The ladies' writing rule is 
just the reverse. 

It does very well to insert, here and 
there, witty remarks to break the monot- 
ony of a lengthy epistle. Above all, it is 
advised to abstain from putting in writing 
any words imparting affection or solicit- 
ing such from the lady. Write your let- 
ter in one complete part ; that is, let all 
you have to say be penned upon any 
number of sheets you may desire, but be 
sure it is between the head address and 
your signature. Never add a postscript ; 
this in letters, like a parenthesis in sen- 
tences, has the appearance of poor con- 
struction. 

139 



Do not write crosswise on the paper, 
and avoid blotting the same. Also see 
that you never write to a lady on office 
paper, or any which is ink-lined, for your 
social corresponding paper should always 
have a crest or monogram at the top, and 
such would not appear well or to advan- 
tage on that which is lined. If you desire 
ruled paper, let the lines be such as 
are pressed into it during manufacture. 
Lastly, never use hotel paper, except in 
the summer, and then only when travel- 
ing or visiting without a trunk, which 
should always contain every necessity of 
a trip. 

If it is formal, a lady's letter should 
be answered immediately, if there is the 
least hint of a reply in it, but without 
such hint the gentleman must not 
answer. If it is informal, he must, if 
requested to reply, do so immediately, 
otherwise he may suit himself, but 
140 



within a limit of one month ; later, 
politeness would be at stake. But the 
lady should not be expected to answer 
in either case to your letter unless she 
feels so disposed, or you show good 
reasons why she should, and expressly 
request her to do so. 

Formal correspondence can be indulged 
in between any persons who may be 
related, very dear friends, or even mere 
acquaintances. With the first two classes, 
a gentleman can correspond formally at 
any and all times, unless expressly solic- 
ited not to do so by the lady's parents, or 
guardians, or herself. But in the last case 
he must have a request to offer or an 
answer to return, and it should be very 
formal, implying by its very subject-mat- 
ter that necessity caused the correspond- 
ence. When writing a formal note to 
a lady acquaintance, without her con- 
sent, merely sign your name to the mat- 
141 



ter and place therein your card, such as is 
described in Sec. 8, Actions Indoors. Never 
write your address beneath the signature, 
or, as is sometimes done, above the head 
address, in this class of notes. . . . But 
informal and lengthy correspondence only 
pertains to, and can be exercised at all 
times by, very dear friends, fiances, or 
very dear relatives. Acquaintances must 
be subjected to the rule of formality of 
correspondence, till they have reached 
the relation of friend, which can be ac- 
quired only after eight or ten meetings, 
when there has been sufficient conver- 
sation to establish what the parties mutu- 
ally agree to constitute fast friendship. 

2. Invitations are so many and varying 
in their nature, that it is generally diffi- 
cult to say what kind of a reply, and 
how soon, should be given. But all 
can be summed up in a few divisions, 
142 



viz. : Reception, Dance, and Wedding 
invitations, fa) Reception invitations are 
never to be replied to, unless accompa- 
nied with an informal invitation to an 
after-reception dance, bearing an R. S. V. 
P., when a few days can be permitted to 
elapse before replying thereto, (b) A 
wedding invitation, like the reception, 
needs no reply, except under the same 
conditions as annexed to reception invita- 
tions. But dances are the subjects for 
which dozens of different kinds of invita- 
tions are issued, when it is decidedly 
difficult to ascertain the exact time, or 
answer as desired by the inviter. The 
answer depends upon the number of invi- 
ters included in the invitation ; the time 
upon the number of days intervening 
before the date of the event ; if two weeks, 
the regular time allotted, then an immedi- 
ate reply is necessary (exceptions in sub- 
scription dances). If two or three ladies 
'43 



or gentlemen, or both, are the inviters, 
then address the reply to the one so 
selected as secretary for the reception of 
replies, and of course sign your name on 
the completion of the reply ; then in the 
left-hand lower corner, pen, "Politeness 
to" ; then write, one beneath the other, 
the names of all the inviters, including 
the secretary last ; this shows that the 
reply is politely tendered to all. In a 
subscription dance, an invitation for all 
and every date of dances is usually sent 
out six weeks before date of first meeting, 
in which case three or four weeks at 
the most can be allowed to pass; but 
no matter when the invitation is received, 
if two or six weeks prior to the first meet- 
ing, always reply at least two weeks 
before such first date. Dinners, teas, 
breakfasts, etc., are the same as dances as 
to time and answer. Invitations by card 
to call are not to be answered, but should 
144 



be acknowledged in person, as soon after 
their reception as possible. Invitations 
to subscription dances need only be ad- 
dressed to the secretary or inviter. 




13 14$ 



PERSONAL ACTIONS 



Section i . When a gentleman accepts 
the honored position of escort he is sup- 
posed to do so willingly, and with the in- 
tention of fulfilling its many requirements. 
Do not accept and accompany a lady to her 
intended destination, and continually show 
any displeasure in your position . Pay strict 
attention to her, and leave her only when 
she is engaged in some dance or occupation 
with another partner. Young ladies take 
escorts in substitution for a brother or 
relative, and when so taking expect to 
find them congenial and as equal to their 
146 



duties as any brother or relative would 
be. When asking a gentleman as escort 
the lady is expected to furnish the car- 
riage if it is her desire to ride; it is not 
necessary for the gentleman to bring 
her flowers in return for her kindness, 
but an after-gift of the same will suffice. 
When asking a lady to give you the 
pleasure of her company for any event, 
you must, of course, expect to pay all 
expenses ; if in the evening, and she is an 
old acquaintance, always expect to furnish 
a carriage. If only an acquaintance, and it 
is necessary to use a carriage, then a chap- 
eron should be brought with you. But 
the cars are generally the mode of travel 
which can be used if a chaperon is not 
desired. 

Never take advantage of your situation 
when in a carriage alone with a lady, by 
addressing her in any way too familiar 
to be polite. 

M7 



2. Extravagance is one of the greatest 
faults into which young and old persist 
in falling. Very few society men know 
what economy means. So to point out 
a few ways by which extravagance may 
be at least modified by gentlemen : (a) 
It is very poor taste for a person to 
show by his attire extravagant inclina- 
tions. Do not dress too gaudily, or 
change the suits more than is ordinarily 
necessary for special occasions. Let your 
dress be not too costly, not too loud, but 
neat, of the styles described in Part I. 
of this book, and do away with too 
great a variety of top and over coats, 
neckties, patent leather shoes (for walk- 
ing), and, above all, elaborately figured 
waistcoats, also elaborate canes. They 
all combine not only to appear extrava- 
gant, but destroy the effect of simple 
elegance. (b) Do not spend money 
for a thing unless it is necessary for your 
148 



own good or that of a relation. Presents 
given by a single man should be simple 
and of slight cost. 

If engaged the rule is less strict ; but if 
married a man should not only teach him- 
self the law of economy, but also his wife 
and children. Such gifts as candy, flowers, 
jewelry, etc., should be given only by 
very dear friends, which relation permits 
such presents to be of slight cost, while 
they are appreciated as if of great cost. 
Costly gifts to acquaintances are a gross 
extravagance. 

3. Kissing is a pleasure which is not 
to be indulged in except among dear 
relatives, the family, wife, or your fiancee. 
Never kiss or embrace a person outside of 
these exceptions, no matterhowold friends 
they may be. No lady would allow you 
such a privilege, and if she should so far 
forget her standing as to permit the act, 
13* 149 



you would be rude, exceedingly so, and 
no gentleman, to take advantage of her 
forgetfulness. Never, on any account, kiss 
or embrace the persons, as stated above, 
in a public place, — it is common. No one 
knows your relationship, and no one the 
length of time of separation ; besides, the 
act of kissing is very undignified and 
ungraceful. Of course these rules only 
apply to gentlemen ; they are not enforce- 
able in respect to ladies, as the feminine 
sex is supposed to be more demonstra- 
tive. Familiarity, though allowed, breeds 
contempt by degrees. 

4. Familiarity is a subject upon which 
the majority of society men can discourse 
fluently, so practised are they in the art. 
In fact, society is infected with this dis- 
ease. It reigns on all occasions, be they 
private or public. It is found in the most 
aristocratic circles, as in those of less 
150 



refinement. Why should this continue? 
It should not. Both ladies and gentlemen 
use it ; but of gentlemen, alone, I now 
speak. Freedom of speech and freedom 
of manner constitute the general heads of 
familiarity, (a) Freedom of manner has 
been partly defined under the heads of 
kissing and embracing. Do not on any 
account allow of any rude actions on your 
part ; always keep a polite distance from a 
lady, and do not, if you take her hand, 
retain too long a hold thereof, or press 
it with your own ; in fact, never touch 
a lady unless she is related to you, under 
the heads set forth in Section 3, Personal 
Actions, unless it becomes absolutely 
necessary ; then do it in the most polite 
manner possible. (^Freedom of speech 
is the rpost important head of famili- 
arity, and includes many classes of rude- 
ness. Do not be impertinent in your 
remarks to ladies, ask no personal ques- 
151 



tions, do away with rude speech ; seek 
not to impart to her that which she should 
not know, or tries to turn a deaf ear to. 
Improper remarks are poison from the 
tongue, and tend to ruin your reputation 
in her estimation, as a gentleman, sooner 
or later. It is no excuse if she tolerates 
your advances or not, — a gentleman is a 
gentleman, and should remain so. Not 
only is this rule applicable to acquaint- 
ances, but it should be strictly observed 
in your own family. Your sisters should 
be as acquaintances as respects your 
behavior, and your mother and father 
should command respect in your every 
word or action. 

5. A gentleman, because he is married, 
should not suppose himself fitted for the 
position of chaperon on occasions where 
it is necessary to leave the city, or it is an 
evening affair ; on the contrary, it is his 
152 



duty to refuse acceptance of such a posi- 
tion, unless himself and wife act as the 
chaperons. If single, he should never 
offer his services as chaperon. He may 
be such in the daytime, within the city, 
acting as a guide or protector of his com- 
panion ; but this is a very weak form of 
chaperonage compared to that custom- 
ary in society, which form generally con- 
cerns only evening or out-of-town events, 
when a stricter rule is applied, under the 
conditions of which a gentleman can never 
be a chaperon. It must be remembered 
that though guide and protector are 
the true meanings of the word chaperon, 
yet, as far as a gentleman can exercise 
that right, he can be no more than an 
escort. 

6. A gentleman should shake hands as 
seldom as possible. On introduction and 
at parting should be the chief occasions 
*53 



for the act. This rule refers only to your 
own sex. With ladies it is far stricter. 
You should not shake hands on intro- 
duction to ladies, nor at parting ; but at 
the next meeting, or subsequent ones, if 
they appear desirous of such a cordial 
greeting, grasp their hand, for it is at the 
option of a lady whether or not the hands 
should come in contact with each other ; 
but never shake at parting. When taking 
a lady's hand, grasp it firmly, but gently, 
just sufficient pressure to convey the feel- 
ing of cordiality, nothing more, and rais- 
ing her hand to the height of her waist, 
shake it gently two or three times, then 
release it ; never hold it while speaking, 
and do not attempt that awkward, lately 
originated style of raising the hands 
above the face, with the fingers twisted 
out of shape; it is clumsy, decidedly 
ridiculous in appearance, and very un- 
comfortable for the lady. 

i54 



7. Never kiss a lady's hand when in 
public, and never privately, unless en- 
gaged or very much attached to her, and 
not then unless she is willing to undergo 
the torture. 

Do not, as in hand-kissing, throw 
kisses to a person in public, and not at all 
unless under the conditions stated above. 

8. When engaged a gentleman should 
devote all his spare moments to his 
fiancee. He should compel himself to for- 
sake other ladies' society, allowing himself 
to be thrown therein only when accom- 
panying his intended to entertainments 
or dances, and then should control him- 
self, so as to give no cause of jealousy by 
his actions or apparent interest in others 
of the fair sex. He should give all pres- 
ents to her, take her to all the entertain- 
ments and dances, and, in fact, let her find 
him always devotion in everything. Clubs 

*55 



should be partially or wholly neglected 
for her. Even under the circumstances, 
familiarity should be guardedly exercised, 
especially with her family. 

9. Introductions are the most important 
of any of the numerous acts of society, 
constituting a custom established by long 
and frequent usage. It is easy to intro- 
duce, no matter how or in what manner 
it is done, and ninety-nine per cent, of 
introductions are either improperly con- 
ducted or a mere mention of names. To 
constitute a proper introduction there 
must be three requisites, viz. : Sufficient 
language to imply an introduction, an 
objective name and a subjective name 
each distinctly pronounced. That is to 
say : the object is the person to whom the 
subject is presented; second, the subject 
of the introduction is the one whom you 
present. You must pronounce both 
156 



names distinctly. First, be sure that 
both are aware of your intention and 
secure of each other's attention, then 
proceed by saying: (Ex.) 66 Miss Smith 
[object], please allow me to present Mr. 
Brown [subject]. " This is all, and it is as 
simple as can be ; yet people will mum- 
ble and stammer and stumble through 
an introduction as if it were the most 
difficult of performances. If the object or 
subject of an introduction is a sister, 
brother, or parent, do not say, as many 
do — Miss Smith, my brother, or my sis- 
ter, naming the relation only ; but say 
always — Miss Smith, my brother, Mr. 
Brown. This rule is in view of the 
fact that the introducer's name is not 
always familiar to the object. Never 
mention the name of the subject first. 
When introducing extend the right or 
left hand as a gesture towards the person 
whom you are introducing. 
*4 157 



It is important to make introductions 
carefully and at the proper time. Do 
not suffer a person with whom you are 
acquainted to remain in your own party 
without introducing him to every member 
of that party. When talking to a person, 
and joined by a third, immediately intro- 
duce. The rules of introduction should 
be strictly observed in regard to ladies. 
As much as possible avoid introducing on 
the street, and when doing so do not stop 
the objective persons, but join them as 
explained in Section 4, Actions Outdoors, 
whether lady or gentleman, and present 
the subject while walking. Do not intro- 
duce to young ladies under age without 
the chaperon's or guardian's consent, and 
ladies of age without their approval hav- 
ing first been received. Do not present 
or attempt to present a man of whose 
character or reputation you are doubtful ; 
for thousands of serious results have been 
thus occasioned. 

158 



PROPOSING 



A gentleman, when he is sure that his 
attachment to a lady has attained perfec- 
tion, and is positive of being ever after- 
ward so attached to her as to permit of 
no disturbance of that affection by force 
of circumstances, may then and only then 
have the right of asking for her hand in 
marriage. It is a much-mooted question 
whether a gentleman should ask the 
parents' or guardian's consent to the pro- 
posal, if the young lady or himself or both 
are under age. If we follow the conti- 
nental rule, this is the proper action in the 
matter. This course is certainly more 
■59 



honorable. It matters not which parent 
is first consulted, though the father is 
preferred. The parent, or parents, or 
guardian may be consulted in person or 
by letter. After their consent has been 
gained, the proposal is made to the 
woman chosen. If she refuses, then 
nothing more on the subject need be said 
till subsequent proposals are attempted. 
A refusal need not be reported to the 
parents or guardians. If she accepts, he 
immediately informs them. If both par- 
ties are of age, or independent, it is not 
essential to a proposal that parents or 
guardians should be consulted. 

HOW TO PROPOSE 

Remember that you are a gentleman, 
and success will be yours if the lady pos- 
sesses any love or affection in her heart 
for you. It is best not to force your suit 
160 



upon a woman, for such engagements 
often cause either a breaking of the en- 
gagement between the parties, or unhap- 
piness to both. It is far better to undergo 
the pain of a refusal for the time being, 
and endeavor to gain her affection after- 
ward in view of another and more suc- 
cessful trial. 

Never propose in any way but in per- 
son. Letters are very poor mediums of the 
affection ; besides, a woman prefers per- 
sonal tenders of affection. When you 
propose, never do so unless alone with 
the lady, either in-doors or out, but 
not in public, when promenading, driv- 
ing, or riding, or on any occasion where 
she cannot give you her undivided atten- 
tion. 

A proposal is, next to a marriage, the 
most important event in a man's life, and, 
if looked favorably upon by the woman, 
is such also in her life. Therefore take 
14* 161 



plenty of time to think over the seri- 
ousness of the step ; consider how much 
interest the lady has previously shown 
in you, and the result to your feelings if 
refused. 

If a lady appears uncertain in her 
answer, you can depend upon it that she is 
weighing in golden scales the results, the 
strength of her own affection ; and, above 
all, you may justly and correctly con- 
strue that the greater cause of her hesita- 
tion is uncertainty of your regard for her, 
v/hethertrue of the heart, or falsely stated. 
For no woman cares to have a man know 
that she entertains affection for him un- 
less she is confident he will appreciate it. 
Thus if it be not a positive refusal, but 
hesitation only, always be determined, 
and decide for her by describing the 
happiness that only you could furnish 
her. These arguments, if anything would 
avail, will help to strengthen and control 
her decision. 

162 



Always plead your cause with eyes and 
speech only. When accepted it is left to 
the option of the suitor as to what mode 
of procedure will best express his delight 
and happiness. But perhaps for those of 
timid and bashful nature it is advisable to 
suggest a standard course of action, viz. : 
when the lady replies affirmatively, im- 
mediately clasp her in your arms; this 
is not, for true lovers, a very embar- 
rassing position. Let the embrace be 
gentle, simply to signify and give strength 
and proof of your affectionate expressions 
prior to the acceptance. 

Always stand when proposing, as it 
lends dignity to the occasion and allows of 
more freedom in expressing the feelings ; 
besides, it savors of very little earnestness 
to remain in any other attitude while 
making so important a confession. 

Before proposing it would be best to 
ascertain how the lady regards you in any 
particular light. If she speaks favorably 
163 



of any one of your fascinations, then on 
that foundation you may attempt to build 
your future happiness. Do not propose 
in an uncertain manner, bashfully, or yet 
too boldly. Be serious, desirous, and 
speak to the point ; confess all your 
feelings, state everything correctly and 
truly, and in as telling language as you 
can possibly command. Do not laugh or 
smile, or cause it to appear an amusing 
matter. It would be utterly impossible 
to illustrate the language of proposals, 
for many and varied are the methods 
employed and the language used. But 
if a gentleman adheres to all I have stated 
on the subject, it will only be fate which 
will prevent the fulfilment of his antici- 
pations. A gentleman never makes free 
with the lady, at the time of the ac- 
ceptance, beyond the conditions stated 
herein. And from the moment she 
accepts him, through all her life he must 
be constant in his attention to her. 
164 



PRESENTS 



Under the general head of presents 
is classed anything given to another at 
one's own expense. Give presents to your 
own family, relatives, fiancee, or very old 
friends, but not to mere acquaintances. 

Section i. Flowers, though short-lived, 
are nevertheless the most beautiful gift one 
person can make to another. It shows 
taste and a love- of nature, and nothing 
finds more appreciation in the hearts of 
womankind than flowers. Be careful in 
165 



your selection ; suit the color and quality 
to the taste and dress of the lady. Have 
them tastily laid in a box, loosely, if 
merely as a favor; but if for a dance or 
entertainment, the best way is to gather 
the flowers loosely half-way down the 
stems, and tie with ribbon harmonizing in 
color, placing at the end of the bouquet a 
bunch of leaves to hide the stems. Al- 
ways send the flowers in a box ; do not 
carry them to the lady yourself — if in a 
hurry, call a messenger. Flowers may be 
sent to any lady, married or maiden, 
but never send them as a wedding pres- 
ent. When desirous of sending flowers 
to a lady with whom you are about to 
attend an affair, first ascertain whether 
she desires to wear flowers, and the color 
of the gown she intends wearing. It is 
hardly the fashion nowadays to carry 
hand-bouquets; only loose flowers to be 
worn on the dress should be sent. 
1 66 



2. Jewelry should be given as seldom 
as possible outside of your own family, 
dear relatives, or fiancee. If given to others, 
it should be very small, cost little, and not 
be too elaborate ; having merely enough 
beauty about it to convey the feeling and 
intention of the gift. A costly present 
of this class is seldom appreciated as it 
should be, unless it is given to a lady 
who stands, or intends to stand, in a very 
dear position towards you, or to a gentle- 
man friend of long standing and sincere 
friendship. The only exception allowable 
for costly gifts of jewelry outside of those 
rules already stated is in cases of mar- 
riage ; where the act of presentation 
of jewels would furnish no ground 
of suspicion further than extravagance. 
Whether for a wedding or an ordinary gift, 
jewelry should always be sent in a box 
from the store direct, or by messenger; 
never present it in person. And when 
167 



calling subsequently refuse the accepta- 
tion of thanks. 

3. For bon-bons and elaborate boxes, 
also for articles not classed as jewelry, a 
much more lenient rule is applied. In fact, 
except for mere acquaintances, a present 
of this kind may be given to any one, 
friend or relative, married or unmarried. 
These, too, are not to be delivered in per- 
son, but sent with card from store or by 
messenger. In such presents, as in others, 
taste and fine judgment should be exer- 
cised. To a gift of any kind whatsoever 
an answer should not be expected for 
three days. 

4. Photographs should never be soli- 
cited from a mere acquaintance. Wait 
till you know a lady well before asking 
for her likeness. No gentleman should 
be allowed to possess, nor should he 
seek to possess, a lady's picture without 

168 



first having met her at least seven times. 
He must first so establish his friendship 
with her that when he asks for her like- 
ness she cannot justly use the common 
expression that 4 'he must have her photo- 
graph for fear he might forget her face," 
but would understand that his desire for 
it comes straight from the heart, and not 
with the intention of adding to a variety 
collection. And it is also unnecessary to 
comply with a like request from the lady 
till of fast acquaintance. An exchange of 
photographs is generally the safest way 
of overcoming any doubt which may 
arise in your mind as to the disposition 
which the lady will make of your picture, 
for then the maxim can be applied — 
"It 's a poor rule which can't work both 
ways." 

15 169 



GENERAL POLITENESS 



♦Section i . A gentleman should always 
be perfectly polite with his social inferiors, 
no matter how he may be brought in con- 
tact with them, whether he meets them 
in company with his equals or inferiors, 
or if alone. For though your inferiors, 
they deserve respect, and a deviation 
from politeness on their account would 
cause your politeness towards equals to 
appear false, a shield to your true manner. 
Always be polite to your inferiors, and it 
naturally follows that you will be polite- 
ness itself with your equals. A gentle- 
man has no superiors. 

170 



Politeness is called for in every turn 
a gentleman may make, whether among 
ladies or gentlemen, or inferiors, in society 
or in business, among relatives, acquaint- 
ances, friends, or strangers. 

2. An insult is not to be recognized 
when offered by an inferior ; pay no atten- 
tion to such, unless it is followed by 
violence, or when it places you in an awk- 
ward position in presence of equals, and 
even then, if from one decidedly inferior, 
or a woman, do not return it, but summon 
the agents of the law to rid you of the 
nuisance. If an equal, it is at your own 
option whether or not you resent the 
insult, which can be done by the use of 
irony ; thus, though an implied return of 
the insult, your resentment is on its face 
politeness itself. Duels are not allow- 
able in America, and seldom in any coun- 
try. A deadly insult is now usually 
171 



looked upon by society as a just cause of 
expulsion of the insulter from its ranks, 
as no longer worthy of the name of gen- 
tleman; for modern society is more just 
than the society in the days of knight- 
hood, when a gross insult would be 
looked upon with favor, as but a prelimi- 
nary to a test of skill at arms. All the 
remedy a gentleman has in this age is 
either an apology from his opponent, or 
the future avoidance and non-recognition 
of him, or, in extreme cases, a resort to 
the law. 

3. The most indifferent, collected, 
firm, and blase of society men are sus- 
ceptible to embarrassments. No matter 
how sure you may be of being proof 
against them, there always comes a time 
when the firm foundation is undermined 
by a sudden inpour of unforeseen circum- 
stances, which brings your guarded and 
172 



fortified walls of conceit and coolness to 
earth, and tends to humble your pride. 
Now, many society men hold that a 
man should never become embarrassed 
under any circumstances. Not so ; there 
are instances where to remain unmoved 
and indifferent to embarrassment would 
show an uncultured exercise of politeness. 
For example, how could a gentleman, 
having spoken to his companion of a third 
party in an insulting manner, refrain from 
embarrassment when that companion sub- 
sequently turns up and presents the third 
person, who thereupon reproaches him for 
his prior insinuation and insult? Yet in 
ninety-nine cases out of every hundred 
the gentle and polite society men remain 
unmoved and unembarrassed, making 
excuses and stating falsely. Yet they 
leave impressions of impoliteness and 
rudeness upon the minds of their victims. 
Suit the necessity of embarrassment to the 
15* 173 



occasion. Only if he has shown marked 
impoliteness or rudeness, or both, need a 
gentleman show concern subsequent to 
his remark or manner. 

4. Temper is the last subject for dis- 
cussion here ; but it is not by any 
means the least in importance. In fact, 
if it were not for a proper control 
and exercise of temper, there would 
hardly be necessity for elucidating half 
the subjects already so defined. The 
temper should never be displayed under 
circumstances pertaining to society proper. 
That is, to your equals a tranquil nature 
and manner should always be shown, no 
matter how trying the position. To in- 
feriors temper should not be shown while 
in sight or hearing of equals, and even 
when alone with servants or agents only 
in case of breach of duty, and then should 
merely be shown sufficiently far to make 
»74 



a reprimand more severe. In fact there 
are so many remedies for circumstances 
tending to rouse the temper that it should 
be done away with as a bad habit. When 
you do so far forget your politeness as to 
allow the temper to rise, be sure that it is 
not directed to a lady. 



175 



VISITING 



A gentleman should as seldom as pos- 
sible offer a regret for an invitation to 
visit, and when doing so must see that 
his excuse is a good one. Only business, 
traveling, and sickness are sufficiently 
strong causes of refusal. To offer a 
poor excuse is to cause a suspicion of a 
dislike on your part for the inviter, his 
or her family or home, or perhaps that 
you are too little interested in the whole 
affair to bother about visiting the person. 
Such poor excuses, though apparently 
sufficient in your judgment, not only ap- 
176 



pear weak to the inviters, but cause them 
to neglect you in the future in respect 
to visiting. Of course, if you are visit- 
ing or about to visit, an excuse to that 
effect is sufficient, provided you explain 
that the invitation you have accepted 
was received and acknowledged prior to 
the one which you are regretting. Your 
excuse, when a good one, should be 
strong, sincere, and regretfully expressed, 
and, above all, never hint that you will 
be at liberty for a visit later, or at some 
future date. There is such a thing as 
being too indifferent in a regret to an 
invitation, and also such a thing as show- 
ing in a regret too deep an interest or 
anxiety to accept. And this latter is bad 
enough without being accompanied by 
broad hints. If the first invitation was 
sincere and the inviter really desired your 
company, you may be sure a second 
attempt will be made and another invita- 
177 



tion issued. When accepting an invita- 
tion, it is best to adhere strictly to your 
acceptation of the kindness and express 
such in sincere terms. Do not be too 
effusive, but to the point, for an accept- 
ance is not a letter and should therefore 
be short and formal. If a regret, the rule 
may be reversed, as, not intending to visit, 
you are justified in substituting a letter, 
whereas acceptances are followed by the 
visit, and a lengthy epistle would be 
unnecessary. 

After having accepted an invitation, be 
sure to take with you a sufficient supply 
of clothes for variety, and also that you 
may be prepared for emergencies or 
a prolongation of your visit. It is very 
rude and impolite to inquire in your 
note of acceptance as to the length of 
time of stay. You may depend upon 
it that no person having any knowledge 
of society would invite you for, at the 
178 



most, more than a week, and if longer the 
inviter would acquaint you of the fact in 
the invitation. But for a week or less the 
inviter would neglect to mention any 
given time of stay. But it should be 
understood that at the close of the second 
day the visitor is to remark upon his de- 
parture as fixed for the following day; 
then if the host or hostess desire your 
presence for a longer period, they will 
express themselves to that effect. It is 
safer always to take one week's supply of 
linen, in view of such an expression from 
them. Of course these rules only apply 
to formal invitations between friends of 
long standing, but who have been more 
or less separated, or friends of late 
acknowledgment, or perhaps, in rare 
instances, mere acquaintances, and have 
nothing whatever to do with fast friend- 
ship, where it would be absolutely impos- 
sible to govern the parties in their manner 
179 



of recognizing and accepting or regretting 
invitations, and their actions subsequent 
to their arrival at the place of visitation. 
Such an invitation is controlled generally 
by the mutual acquiescence and approval 
of the parties, and is too informal to 
be considered under the head of formal 
customs. 

Therefore to adhere strictly to the 
essential rules for a formal visitor : 

A gentleman should make it a rule 
to be punctual to the time set for his ar- 
rival, be it morning, afternoon, or evening. 
When expected in the morning for break- 
fast, and the place of visit is out of town, if 
he arrives at his destination earlier than to 
his knowledge the family are accustomed 
to rise, then he should occupy himself in 
some way till it is time to put in an appear- 
ance, that he may be received by the 
host or hostess at a reasonable hour. 
The first duty of a visitor is to be punc- 
180 



tual to breakfast every morning during 
his stay ; and more too, he should never 
fail to precede the host or hostess or 
both (only these), that he may be thus 
prepared to receive them with the usual 
morning salutation. As to dinner, lunch, 
or supper, punctuality is not considered, 
as, being in company with his entertainer, 
it would be hardly possible for him to be 
dilatory. 

A gentleman should never wear a dress- 
ing gown or slippers outside of his room, 
when visiting or otherwise. He should 
never enter the dining-room till the host 
or hostess, or both, have preceded him. 
Table manners are the same in visiting as 
at dinners at home and the like. 

After any meal be careful not to appear 
uneasy or dissatisfied with the proceed- 
ings of your entertainer ; and do not, no 
matter how great a desire you may have, 
express opinions upon any arrangements, 
16 181 



or suggest any occupation for the consump- 
tion of time, without first being asked for 
your advice or opinion ; for very often the 
host or hostess is led into doing that 
which but for your request, and the fact of 
your being a visitor, they would never have 
thought of or desired to do ; so be careful 
always to control your desire to make 
suggestions. Let your conversation, man- 
ners, and actions be ruled substantially as 
in calling. Never remain astir after the 
host or hostess, or both, have retired, but 
ascend to your own room coincidently 
with them and retire immediately. Dur- 
ing a visit a gentleman should acquiesce 
in everything requested of him by host or 
hostess, unless his opinion is called for, 
when he should, in deciding between his 
entertainers and others, speak freely but 
impartially ; but if possible always decline 
the honor of judge. 

Do not appear at ease or at home beyond 
182 



the unembarrassed exercise of a visitor's 
duties, for such freedom may tend to 
cause dislike for you as presuming on 
your liberties. 

A gentleman should not visit unless he 
be prepared, in case of emergencies, for a 
request from the hostess, if the host is 
absent, or from both if the host is himself 
incapable, to act the part of table-host; 
and to do this he must be thoroughly 
versed in the art of carving and serving the 
viands, and in other ways demeaning 
himself as is essential to hosts. 

In fact, in going on a visit a gentleman 
should be proficient in its many require- 
ments. Such rules as are here laid down 
will be sufficient, and will not fail in lead- 
ing him safely through the minor branches 
of politeness. 



FINIS. 



/ 



Deacidified using the Bookkeeper proces 
Neutralizing agent: Magnesium Oxide 
Treatment Date: Dec. 2004 

PreservationTechnologies 

A WORLD LEADER IN PAPER PRESERVATION 

1 1 1 Thomson Park Drive 
Cranberry Township, PA 16066 
(724) 779-2111 

Mi 



